


I was waiting for someone (I just didn't know I was waiting for you)

by bettysofia



Category: Glee
Genre: Background Kadam, Background Kelliott, Blow Jobs, CUNY, Coming Out, Hand Jobs, Kissing, Kurt's band, Living Together, M/M, Mentions of past Finchel, Mentions of past Klaine, NYADA, One Night Stands, Romance, Some season 4 and 5 spoilers, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, break ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-01-24 08:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1598576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bettysofia/pseuds/bettysofia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn's waiting for something he thinks might never change. Kurt's waiting for something, he just doesn't know what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born out of one of my favorite scenes (by far the best scene in season 4 - spoiler!). When Finn and Kurt talk in the loft in The Break Up. I've always wondered why they chose to have Kurt say "I was waiting for someone to come out". He hoped it'd be Blaine but instead it was Finn who "came out". To me Finn's sexuality has always been canonically ambigous. 
> 
> Anyway, I've used a couple of season 4/5 characters and one or two plot points but other than that it has nothing to do with anything past The Break Up.

When Finn was seventeen and his mom married Kurt’s dad Finn made a promise –to Kurt and to himself – that he would always have Kurt’s back no matter what. He would always protect him. He thinks that promise might be the reason his heart seems to hurt just a little bit more when he looks at Kurt’s sad eyes than it does when he’s thinking about Rachel. Which he admittedly has been doing a lot less over the last month.

It’s been two months since she told him they were done and they haven’t said a single word to each other since. So he’s started to move on. Well, he thinks he has at least – he doesn’t cry anymore whenever he sees something that reminds him of her… So that’s something. But he knows that Kurt is still really torn up about Blaine and that is what really kills him. If he could take all of Kurt’s pain and pour it onto himself, he would.

There’s a knock at the door that pulls him from his thoughts and without having to look up Finn knows who it is. Their parents are still out on their date night, and probably won’t be back for hours, so there’s really only one person it could be. His lips tug up into a crooked smile as he watches Kurt’s long lean body slip through the doorway, two cups perched precariously in his hand. Kurt smiles at him and for a short moment all Finn can think of is that Kurt has a really hot chin and like he didn’t even know that chins could be hot.

“Uh. Hey, dude,” he says, pushing all thoughts of Kurt’s chin – and his nose, his nose is kind of hot too – to the very back of his mind where he has to stretch really far to reach it.

“Hello, Finn,” Kurt says, holding out one of the cups for him to take, “I thought, you know. For old times’ sake.”

Kurt smiles and his eyes sparkle and Finn realizes that Kurt’s been back from New York for over a week and this is the first time they’ve had warm milk together. Kurt hasn’t exactly seemed up for it. Also, the last time Finn tried to fix the milk himself he got it way too hot and scalded his tongue and dropped one of Kurt’s fancy mugs, shattering it, and hasn’t really been allowed to do it again after that. Plus Kurt’s the one who’s good at giving advice, not him. So he kind of leaves the planning of their ladychats to him.

He takes a sip. It’s warm and cinnamony and delicious. “You excited about going back to New York tomorrow, man?” he says, smacking his lips in appreciation.

”I am,” Kurt says slowly. ”Don’t get me wrong though, I love being back and seeing my dad and Carole and you, but it’s… strange being less than an hour away from Blaine and not visiting him. Not wanting to see him actually.”

The twinkle fades from Kurt’s eyes and Finn’s heart breaks for him all over again. “I’m sorry, dude,” he says, “That must really suck. I mean I can’t really imagine being in the same city as Rachel and she didn’t even really cheat on me – this time… Sorry,” he adds, knowing Kurt doesn’t like being reminded of what happened.

“C’mon give me a hug,” Finn says after a few moments of silence, standing up and taking a step closer to Kurt. When Kurt’s slim, but deceptively strong, arms slide around him he inhales deeply and his nostrils fill with the subtle scent of Kurt’s cologne. It’s kind of spicy. He doesn’t know why, but somehow a hug from Kurt just makes everything seem a little bit better no matter what’s happened.

He presses his hands against Kurt’s shoulder blades, feeling sharp lines and taut muscles under his fingers. Kurt rests his head on Finn’s shoulder and breathes out a puff of hot air against his neck and he knows he didn’t do it on purpose and it should feel innocent and brotherly and sweet. But somehow it doesn’t. It makes Finn’s stomach twist itself into a knot – but not in a bad way – in a nervous and excited way. Kind of in an ‘oh man, I think I want to kiss you’ way.

And he could, he realizes. He just has to bend a little and turn his head and his lips would meet Kurt’s.

So he does. He bends and turns and presses his lips against Kurt’s, tasting milk and cinnamon mixed with Kurt’s minty lipbalm. It lasts for only a couple seconds but it’s enough for Kurt to jerk back and slip from Finn’s embrace.

He’s looking at Finn with wide and confused, impossibly blue, eyes and Finn feels the knot in his stomach turn from feeling like excitement to feeling a lot like guilt. “I’m sorry, Kurt,” he begins. “I… uh… I shouldn’t have – “. He doesn’t get further because Kurt silences him with a hand to his chest, his fingers splayed right over Finn’s erratically beating heart.

“Why did you do that?” Kurt asks.

“I wanted to,” he answers, because he can’t think of another answer. Maybe he should work a little on his impulse control – like maybe he should have asked Kurt first if he could kiss him – but that doesn’t change the fact that he kissed him because he wanted to do it so badly he couldn't not do it.

He’s gazing at his feet, considering apologizing again because Kurt seems kind of creeped out and he really, really hopes he hasn’t ruined them. His lips parted, Kurt’s name about to fall off the tip of his tongue, he lifts his head and his mouth collides with the soft touch of Kurt’s lips.

“What?” he mumbles as Kurt’s wet tongue slides along his bottom lip.

“I don’t know,” Kurt breathes into his mouth. “I just want to.”

With that Kurt presses his mouth hard against Finn’s. His tongue slides teasingly between his parted lips and rubs against Finn’s and it’s messy and kind of filthy and hot and he can’t help but melt into Kurt’s body. It’s hard and warm and not at all as small as it sometimes seems and that makes Finn’s dick twitch with interest.

Their kisses grow deeper and more desperate, bodies pressed close together and his arms winding around Kurt’s waist. He can feel the long line of Kurt’s erection along his thigh. A stray thought reminds him that feeling another dude’s hard-on pressed against his leg should not be this okay. But it is.

It makes him growl deep down in his throat and he pulls his lips from Kurt’s. He didn’t even know he could make that noise. But apparently Kurt must like it because his eyes grow even darker, dripping with lust, and he pushes Finn back until he has him on his back on the unmade bed.

Kurt straddles him, his long legs sweeping gracefully over Finn’s hips and settles on either side of him, knees digging into the mattress. He rolls his hips, pressing his ass against Finn’s groin, making him groan.

“Off… clothes off,” Finn grunts. He’s way too turned on to try to make any sense.

Kurt bites back a snort, most likely aimed at Finn’s incoherence, but he reaches up and carefully peels away his black Henley so Finn doesn’t really care that he’s laughing at him. Kurt slips the sweater over his head, carefully placing it on the back of a chair, and Finn cannot resist the urge to trail his fingers along the expanse of Kurt’s flat, pale stomach. Kurt’s muscles dance under Finn’s exploring hands. He’s kind of ripped. Finn had no idea. It’s totally hot though.

Kurt’s fingers close around his wrist and tug his hand away. He’s looking down at him with hooded eyes and Finn feels a tingle run down his spine. “You’re also wearing far too much clothes,” Kurt says and his voice is breathy and light.

Finn quickly tears his t-shirt away, probably ripping it a little along one of the seams, as he watches Kurt lie on his back and wiggle out of his jeans and briefs. Then Kurt is naked and that makes Finn kind of stop in his tracks and without him really realizing it Kurt pulls down his sweatpants and boxers and then he’s naked too.

The cool air feels good on his overheated skin. Sweat beads on his forehead and at the nape of his neck. And he’s so hard and he’s throbbing and leaking and he thinks that the slightest touch might make him explode.

“Can I?” Kurt asks, hungry eyes fixated on Finn’s cock, making it jump.

“Oh God. Yes,” he says and Kurt leans forward, looming over Finn and his lips connect with Finn’s jaw and his hand wraps around his cock.

Kurt’s licking and nipping and stroking and squeezing and it’s almost too good. Finn can feel every nerve in his entire body and they are all telling him to come right fucking now. He grunts and bucks his hips and Kurt speeds up, flicking his wrist just right and that’s it. Finn comes so hard, spurting on Kurt and himself and the bed, that his vision goes hazy.

Kurt’s desperate panting noises bring him back to reality. His limbs feel like they’re made of lead but the little whines and moans Kurt’s making force him up on his knees and he flips them over. Kurt’s looking up at him with wide eyes and his lips are shiny and wet and pink and Finn just has to kiss him. Their tongues slide together and it’s so dirty and Kurt bucks his hips, his cock brushing against Finn’s thigh.

It kind of drives him crazy and he really, really needs to touch Kurt. He presses one more, sloppy kiss to Kurt’s mouth then crawls down his body making sure his hands touch and grope and squeeze everywhere they can. Then tentatively he reaches for Kurt’s cock and touches it. Kurt shudders and moans and it spurs him on and his grasp gets firmer and his hand slides along the smooth length.

Kurt’s moaning and thrashing, bucking into Finn’s hand and all of a sudden only one thought runs through his mind – he wants to taste Kurt. Again for a tiny moment his hazy brain thinks that maybe having a thought like that should freak him out. Like pretty much everything else right now should. But it really doesn’t. It doesn’t because it’s Kurt.

He pumps Kurt’s cock a couple more times, then leans forward and swipes his tongue experimentally over the tip. It’s a little strange but definitely not bad and Kurt’s getting really loud so that makes it even better. Feeling even bolder he opens his mouth wide and slides the head of Kurt’s cock between his lips. He’s not sure he’s doing it right, but Kurt shouts something that sounds like a string of very dirty words, so he must not be totally wrong. Then Kurt convulses and Finn feels Kurt’s come fill his mouth.

He does freak out a little at that and coughs and spits and wipes off the come that has dribbled down his chin with the back of his hand. Kurt is still breathing hard and he has his eyes screwed shut so Finn’s pretty sure he didn’t notice that little freak out. He doesn’t want Kurt to think that he freaked a little because of him. It was the whole chocking on spunk thing that took him by surprise. But he’s cool now.

He sits and just watches Kurt for a few moments, taking some time to come down. When Kurt’s eyes crack open and settle on Finn and he smiles widely at him and then Finn does the thing that feels the most right. He crawls up next to Kurt, presses a kiss to his temple and snuggles close.

He’s asleep within a minute.

**

The room is still dark when Kurt wakes up. It takes a few moments before his brain catches up to everything his body is telling him. A few moments before he realizes why he’s so warm. And that the heat next to him is coming from Finn. Finn is lying not even two inches away from him; completely naked and tangled up in a sheet.

His body tenses, growing stiff against the heavy arm slung across his chest. Finn’s still sleeping peacefully. He’s snoring quietly, oblivious to anything going on around him. Kurt squirms, moving further away from Finn without him noticing. He can’t believe it actually happened. But it obviously did. He can’t believe they were both so utterly stupid. That they actually made this colossal mistake. Because what happened was a mistake. He can’t pretend otherwise.

He could close his eyes and snuggle closer to Finn and let himself be fooled for a few more hours. Believe that this is somehow real. But morning will come eventually and Finn will wake up. And what will happen then?

He takes a breath and gently, as gently as he can, scoots farther away from Finn. He needs to not be wrapped up in Finn’s arms if he’s going to be able to think clearly. Kurt knows Finn. Sometimes Finn acts before he thinks. Actually most of the time Finn acts before he thinks. He was hurting and he turned to Kurt for comfort and somehow that comfort got taken one step too far.

It’s no one’s fault. It’s not Finn’s fault. And it’s not his fault. He wants Finn to realize that too, but he’s worried Finn will freak out as soon as he wakes up and realizes what happened. He just can’t handle Finn’s big gay freak out on top of everything else that’s happened over the last few months. Maybe if the circumstances were different, he could be there for Finn and help him even if it turned out to be just this onetime thing – which it most likely will because Finn’s not gay. But the circumstances are what they are and Kurt just can’t deal with one more thing right now.

So he pulls away completely and wraps himself up in one of the sheets. He considers getting out of bed and going back to his own room. He’s leaving the next day anyway and he knows Finn would get the hint. But he doesn’t want to be that cold. He cares about Finn a lot. He couldn’t handle there being any bad blood between them.

But he needs sleep if he’s going to be able to handle this in the morning. He turns on his side, keeping his back to Finn, and closes his eyes again.

**

When Finn wakes up the very first thing that crosses his sleep addled mind is just how well he slept. He’s all cozy and warm and filled with this feeling of… satisfaction.

Then he notices the slightly sore muscles. For a second, while his brain is still foggy with residual sleep, he can’t really figure out why he’s feeling like that. Then the mattress shifts next to him and a familiar smell assaults his senses and he remembers everything.

He remembers how nice it felt to hug Kurt and hold him tight and forget about all the crap they’ve been going through. He remembers the sudden and overwhelming urge he’d felt to kiss Kurt. He remembers the kiss. And the next kiss. And he remembers Kurt and Kurt’s naked body and Kurt all around him and on him.

He closes his eyes and he can see his own hands all over Kurt’s body and he can feel his mouth on him. At that his cock wakes up. But he wills it down even though it takes almost every single drop of willpower he has. This is not the time for that.

He rolls his hands into tight fists, his entire body rigid, as he waits. He waits for the freak out that he just knows should come along right about now. He waits but nothing happens. Kurt, still sound asleep thankfully, lets out a little whimper and the tension in Finn’s body just kind of melts away.

Since early last night, when Kurt came to his room, he has had so many opportunities to completely freak out. He seriously had another dude’s cock in his mouth and he so shouldn’t have enjoyed that. But all he can really think is that he kind of wants another go.

He’s starting to get restless but he forces himself to lie as still as possible so not to wake up Kurt. He has a feeling that he needs to sort himself out, at least a little, before that happens. Because just because he’s not freaking out doesn’t mean he’s not confused. What will happen between him and Kurt now?

Will Kurt be angry with him? Or will Kurt expect more? Does he want something more? He thinks that the reason it’s not feeling weird is just because it is Kurt and not some random dude. He’s pretty sure this wasn’t some reaction to him still being upset about Rachel. He’s probably wanted to do that for a lot longer than he’s realizing. Maybe there could be something more.

He feels the mattress dip and hears Kurt make little waking up snuffles. The mattress shifts again and Finn turns and looks straight into Kurt's eyes.

“Hey,” he says, feeling a little shy and kind of small.

“Good morning,” Kurt says and he looks kind of stiff and there's a weird tone to his voice.

“Look, Kurt –“ Finn begins but Kurt cuts him off before he has a chance to say anything else.

“No, Finn let me start,” he says. “I know what you're going to say and I totally agree.”

Finn starts to smile but it vanishes when Kurt continues. “Last night was a big mistake. You're straight, Finn. And we're stepbrothers. We've both been through a lot and it's only natural that we'd seek comfort from each other but we took it too far. I'm not placing any blame, you don't have to worry that I'll become obsessed or something. We just never should have let it happen but it did and I think the best thing to do now is to just forget it happened.” Kurt stops talking and looks at Finn like he's expecting him to let out a deep sigh of relief.

Finn doesn't know what to say. He wasn't expecting Kurt's reaction to be so...negative. But if that's what Kurt wants he's not going to argue. Kurt's been through enough, Finn doesn't want to be more trouble to him.

“Uh, sure, yeah,” he says. “We'll just forget about it.” He looks around the room, trying to find his boxers. He spots them at the bottom of the bed and, still tangled up in the sheet he wiggles around until he has them on. “Uh. I think I'll just go have a shower,” he says, before getting out of bed and heading to the bathroom, leaving Kurt alone in his bed.

He'll just let it go and be the stepbrother just like Kurt wants him.

**

Finn exits the 14th street station and looks down at the little piece of paper where he has Kurt’s address scribbled down. He shuffles nervously as he looks up at the signs on the street corner. He knows that this might be a really bad idea. But he’s here, he’s in New York, and he needs a place to live. And hopefully living with Kurt won’t be too awkward. It’s shouldn’t be. They’re brothers – that’s what Kurt told him.

He shifts his duffel bag higher on his shoulder, tugs on the handle on his rolling suitcase, and starts walking down the street until he’s standing outside the correct building. He takes a deep breath and presses his finger against the buzzer thing.

“Yes?” Kurt’s voice sounds crackly and distant through the intercom.

“H-Hey, Kurt. It’s me,” Finn says, his voice wobbling a little.

“Hang on, I’ll buzz you in,” Kurt says and he sounds normal, enthusiastic almost, but Finn can still detect a little bit of tension there that maybe someone else wouldn’t.

“Thanks!” Finn grins big and wide. He’s going to focus on all the good stuff and not on any awkwardness or tension that might be there.

Kurt’s apartment is only on the second floor so it takes Finn no time to make his way up the stairs. And when he rounds a corner there’s Kurt standing in the doorway and smiling at Finn. Finn can feel his own smile grow wider as he drops the handle of the suitcase and offers up his arms for a hug.

“Hey Kurt,” he says, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s torso and breathes in deeply.

“Hi, Finn,” Kurt says, slowly pulling away from Finn’s grasp. He looks down at Finn’s suitcase abandoned on the floor. “Is that all your stuff?” he asks.

“Yup. I like to travel light,” Finn says. “Plus I thought, you know, maybe you could help me find some new stuff. Something that’s a little less ‘Lima, Ohio’”

“I’d be more than happy to, Finn,” Kurt says, smiling, and Finn realizes that he'll probably burn all of his puffy vests.

As Kurt bends and grabs the handle of Finn’s suit case Finn can’t help but notice the slight stiffness of Kurt’s back and the way he’s tilting his head; both sure ways of knowing Kurt’s not entirely comfortable. Finn can’t blame him. He’s not entirely comfortable himself. It’s only been eight months since that night. Kurt and he have kept in touch and they talk at least somewhat regularly. But never about that night. That they stay away from.

He follows Kurt into the apartment, watching the back of Kurt’s head as they walk. “Kurt,” he says “I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay here. That’s really cool of you, dude.”

“Of course, Finn!” Kurt turns around and smiles at him. “I have the spare room and Dad’s already helping with the rent, so of course you should reap some of those benefits. Plus, having company will be nice. Especially now that Rachel’s living with Brody.”

“Yeah… That must have sucked, dude,” Finn says, grabbing Kurt’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “Rachel just kind of up and leaving like that and you having to give up that huge apartment.”

“I’m sorry too,” Kurt says.

“Nah, never mind,” Finn says, shrugging, “I mean, yeah, I didn’t think she’d move on quite that fast but it wasn’t like I thought we’d end up back together. Or that I wanted us to get back together. That’s in the past.”

That’s the honest truth. He does not care about Rachel moving in with Brody and he definitely doesn’t want to get back together with her. There’s more to the truth though that he doesn’t tell Kurt. He doesn’t tell him that one reason why he doesn’t want Rachel anymore is that he wants someone else. He just smiles and shrugs again.

“Well, I like the sound of that,” Kurt says, “but remember that if you need to talk to someone I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks Kurt.”

“Of course. That’s what brothers are for.”

And there’s the reason why Finn can’t tell Kurt the entire truth. They’re brothers. That’s how Kurt sees them and Finn can’t screw that up.

“Anyway,” Kurt continues, “That's your room.” He points at the closest door just across from the little kitchenette. “And that one's mine.” He points to the next door. “Right next to it is the bathroom – don't leave wet towels on the floor or so help me I'll shave your head Finn Hudson – and right here is our living room.” He waves his hand at the rest of the room they're standing in.

The place is tiny. It's not so much a living room as it is a living closet. There's a teeny sofa, a television and a trunk that Finn suspects is full of Kurt's winter clothes. The kitchenette part is even tinier and Finn starts to seriously wonder how he's going to fit without knocking stuff over every day.

“You're not too big,” Kurt says behind him like he was reading Finn's mind.

“How'd you know I was thinking that?” Finn asks, turning around and watching Kurt carefully.

Kurt smirks at him. “Well for one, this is a tiny apartment and two, I know you, Finn. You were hunching your back and doing that little shuffle thing you do when you worry about something. Don't worry, you get the slightly bigger bedroom.”

“Oh. Wow. Thanks, Kurt,” Finn says, smiling.

“Don't thank me just yet,” Kurt says, “You have next to no closet space.”

Finn chuckles. “Yeah, don't worry about that, bro.” He opens the door and notices with a little sigh of relief that yes, he will fit and there's a bed and a desk and that's all he really needs. He drops off his bags and rejoins Kurt in the 'living room'.

“So,” Kurt starts, “Hungry?”

“Always.”

Kurt laughs and smiles at him. “Well, good. There's a diner just down the street where they have amazing burgers and you get a ton of food. We could go there and get something to eat, if you'd like.”

“Oh.” He pauses a second then grins at Kurt. “Yeah, sure, that sounds great.”

The sun's high in the sky as they walk down the street and the air is warm against Finn's skin. Finn thinks it's kind of crazy that he and Kurt are actually walking down a street in Manhattan together. After everything that's happened.

Kurt points at a sign a little bit up ahead. “There it is,” he says, “their chocolate shakes are going to kill you.” He smirks at Finn and takes him by the elbow, dragging him through the door.

They find and empty booth and sit down across from each other. When a server comes by they order their burgers. They don't really talk about anything of substance. Just little bits here and there about the weather and some of Kurt's favorite places to eat and what kind of shoes he thinks Finn should get.

“Oh god, that's good,” Finn moans through a mouthful of burger and caramelized onions.

Kurt humphs. “Close your mouth you lug,” he says, swatting at Finn. “But yes, the food here is delicious.” He takes a bite out of his own Italian burger and pointedly chews with his mouth closed and one eyebrow raised at Finn.

After a moment of both of them eating in silence, Kurt puts his burger down and looks up at Finn. Before he speaks he breathes in deeply. “I don't think I've told you this yet,” he says, “but Finn, I am really happy that you decided to transfer to New York.”

Finn looks at Kurt and smiles. “Me too, dude. CUNY's music program seems like a really good choice for me. You know, I actually really like teaching but it always felt like just my second choice. I think I finally realized that I shouldn't settle. I should go for what I really want and what I really want to do is music. ”

“What made you change your mind?” Kurt asks.

“You getting into NYADA,” Finn says, “You didn't get it the first time 'round – which was total bullshit by the way – but you didn't let that stop you. You went to New York anyway and you didn't let anything stop you. That's just seriously so awesome, dude.”

“Aw, Finn,” Kurt says and the smile on his lips grows bigger and brighter. “Thank you. I'm just glad you finally realized just how talented you are. You'll do great at CUNY.”

“Thanks, I hope so,” Finn says, blushing a little, “I really think their popular music studies will fit me, you know? I'm really looking forward to the songwriting class.”

“Well, I think you'll do great,” Kurt says, cheerily, “We'll have to perform together at Callbacks whenever we can.”

“Sure,” Finn laughs, “Just no, Lady Gaga, okay?”

Kurt giggles. “I love you, Finn, but you do not possess the fabulousness needed to pull off Gaga.” He looks down at his hands and back up at Finn's face. “Seriously though, I'm glad we're going to live together too. Maybe we could become closer again... Like brothers.”

Finn keeps looking at Kurt and he can feel his smile drop a little. He hopes though that he managed to catch it and pull it back into place before Kurt noticed. “Sure, dude. Uh. Yeah, I hope so too.” He stutters when he replies and tries to deflect the attention by gulping down the rest of his pop.

Kurt looks at him kind of funny but doesn't say anything else and Finn's silently relieved that he can change the subject. “So,” he starts, “you excited about your second semester at NYADA?”

“I am,” Kurt says, “honestly I'm still having trouble believing I actually got in -”

“Why?” Finn asks, cutting Kurt off with an incredulous look.

“Well, I didn't make after my first audition, did I?”

“Because Rachel screwed you over and harassed the dean until she got another audition. That's why, not because you're not good enough. Kurt, remember senior year how you told me I'm a star?”

Kurt nods.

“Well, now it's my turn. You're a star Kurt. Way shinier than Rachel. It just took NYADA a little longer than me to understand that.”

“Finn,” Kurt smiles and it's a little teary, “Thank you.”

“Hey. Just telling it like it is.”

“Well thank, you anyway,” Kurt says and leans forward a bit, grabbing Finn's hand and giving it a quick squeeze.

For just a second it feels like the moment might turn awkward but then Kurt lets go of Finn's hand and grabs his pop instead and the moment kind of fizzles away. So Finn focuses on finishing his burger in silence.

When he's done he fishes his phone out of his pocket and gives the screen a glance. “It's getting kind of late,” he says, “we should probably get going.”

“Oh! Of course, you've been traveling all day, you must be really tired. We should get you home and into bed.” Kurt flushes and looks at Finn. “Oh, I didn't mean –“

“Kurt, relax, I know what you meant,” Finn says, laughing even though he's probably blushing too.

Finn's bed creaks as he shifts around, trying to get into a more comfortable position, so he tries to shift more gently and not quite as much like a big, loud oaf. He can hear Kurt padding across the floor of his bedroom so that must mean that the walls are pretty thin and that Kurt can hear him too. He doesn't want to feel like a creeper secretly listening to Kurt when he's getting ready for bed. He makes a mental note to remember to either jerk off when Kurt's not at home or in the shower with the water running. That kind of makes him think about Kurt jerking off and then he has to shift around again and think about really disgusting things so he doesn't embarrass himself the first night living with Kurt.

After a few more minutes he can't hear Kurt anymore. So either he's lying on the other side of the wall listening to Finn or he's fallen asleep which kind of makes more sense. With that in mind Finn forces himself to think about other things, like school and food and the weather, until he too finally falls asleep.

**

Finn can smell coffee first thing when his alarm wakes him up. He stumbles out of bed and grabs his shirt off the floor and pulls it over his head. It takes him literally two steps to cross the tiny foyer to the tiny kitchenette. Kurt's standing there looking out the window with a coffee cup in one hand. On the counter next to him is a coffee pot and an empty cup.

”Morning, dude,” Finn says, walking up next to Kurt and filling the cup to the brim. He takes a large sip and moans. ”Oh god, I needed that. Thanks.” He brushes his fingers against Kurt's arm without really thinking about what he's doing. Then his brain kind of catches up and he freezes for a second, then snatches his fingers away and takes a quick step back.

Kurt looks over his shoulder at him seemingly oblivious to the whole finger grazing thing. ”You're very welcome, Finn,” he says, smiling, ”I thought you could need a little boost on your first day at your new school.”

Finn smiles back, still feeling a little awkward even though Kurt seems perfectly comfortable. ”Well, I know your classes don't start until Wednesday so you could've slept a lot longer if you wanted to so this was really nice of you.”

”It's nothing,” Kurt assures him, still smiling sweetly at him. ”I'm an early riser usually. In a month you'll find it annoying. Trust me,” he chuckles.

”You can never be annoying,” Finn says, almost cringing at how sappy he sounds.

Kurt laughs and ruffles Finn's hair. ”We'll see about that,” he says. Then he puts his empty cup in the sink and leaves the kitchen. A few seconds later Finn can hear the bathroom door closing and the lock sliding in place.

Finn pours himself a bowl of cereal and then balances that and a spoon and his coffee the few feet to the tiny living area and slumps down on the sofa. As he eats his breakfast he listens to the shower being turned on and the water starting to run. He's kind of ashamed to admit it but sometimes he kind of does listen just a little bit harder trying to see if maybe he can hear something other than the sound of the water and the faint sound of Kurt singing.

Finn's first day at CUNY only lasts a few hours, he's out of there by lunch with a whole bunch of paperwork, mostly lists of books and other stuff he'll need, for him to go through carefully when he gets home. He'll probably ask Kurt to look through it with him so he doesn't miss anything and so Kurt can help him find stuff.

He grabs some lunch at a Starbucks close to the campus, sitting outside in the sun eating his chicken sandwich and drinking his iced coffee while he watches New York people hurry past. He kind of hopes he doesn't become one of those super stressed people practically running by along the sidewalk. It seems exhausting.

When he's done he walks in the sunshine, only getting a tiny bit lost on his way to the subway on 125th street, and then rides the train for about half an hour and walks back to the apartment in the warm late summer weather.

The excitement about finally starting college in New York has kind of caught up with him and he's starting to feel pretty tired. Sprawling on the couch with a bag of Doritos and some pop sounds pretty good to him right about now. Unless Kurt has something planned for them. If Kurt wants him to do something he will.

But when he gets to just outside his and Kurt's front door he thinks he can hear two voices coming from the inside. So he stands there, super quietly, pressing his ear against the door. He feels a little stupid doing it but he feels even more curious so that feeling wins out. There are definitely two voices. One of them is obviously Kurt and it sounds like he's... giggling.

Finn takes a step back. Breathes a few times and tries really, really hard to convince himself the bubbles deep in his stomach aren't jealousy. When he thinks he has control over himself he slides his key into the lock and pushes the door open. There's the sound of some scrambling as he drops his bag on the floor and when he looks around the corner into the tiny living room Kurt's sitting on one end of the couch looking flushed and on the other end is some guy with wavy blond hair who's grinning at Kurt.

”Oh, Finn,” Kurt says, his cheeks pink and eyes bright, ”I didn't think you were coming back until later.”

”Only a half day today, dude,” Finn says, taking a step forward. He shifts his weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other, glancing between Kurt and the other guy on the couch.

After a moment of awkward silence Kurt let's out a little ”Oh!” and jumps to his feet. ”Sorry. Finn, this is Adam. Adam this is my brother, Finn.”

The blond guy smiles way too big at Finn, his eyes crinkling, as he reaches for Finn's hand. ”So nice to meet you, Finn,” he says in some ridiculous foreign accent, ”Kurt's told me so much about you.”

”Um,” Finn says, taking the guy's hand and squeezing it, possibly a little bit too tightly. ”Hey. You too... I guess.”

”Adam was a senior at NYADA last year,” Kurt explains. ”He ran the Adam's Apples, the glee club I joined. I told you that.”

”Oh, right. Yeah, you did,” Finn says, nodding. Kurt did tell him about the glee club and maybe he told him something about the guy running it. He did not however say anything about dating that dude. And from the looks of it, Kurt's pink cheeks and slightly guilty eyes and the scrambling as Finn walking in, they are definitely dating. Or at least hooking up. Which kind of is even worse.

”Anyway,” Kurt says, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet, ”we were going to go get something to eat. Would you like to come along?”

Even though Kurt's smiling at him Finn can tell that the invitation isn't entirely sincere. Kurt doesn't really want him as a third wheel on his date.

”Uh, I ate already,” Finn says, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second. ”Plus I have some paperwork I need to look through. Thanks though.”

”Sure,” Kurt says, smiling at him. He takes Adam's hand and starts leading him toward the door. He stops for a second, looking over his shoulder. ”I'll help you with the paperwork when I get back, okay Finn?”

Finn smiles at Kurt. ”Thanks, Kurt,” he says. ”Have fun.”

When the door slams he stands in place for a few moments, watching the empty spot where Kurt was sitting just minutes ago. It's just barely past two in the afternoon but suddenly he's feeling really, really tired. He walks over to his tiny bedroom and throws himself onto the bed. It makes a satisfying thunk as he lands on it and he presses his face into the pillows.

He wishes that Kurt would have told him. Not just because it would have lightened the blow to Finn's ego, because walking in on Kurt with some cute British dude was seriously no fun. But also because Kurt not telling him that he's dating someone kind of makes Finn feel like Kurt doesn't trust him with that sort of information. They're supposed to be brothers, that's what Kurt tells him, they're supposed to tell each other stuff like that.

He buries his face deeper into the pillow and lets out a strangled breath. All he hoped for was that it wouldn't immediately turn awkward between Kurt and he. Now it feels like it might get awkward. That makes him want to scream into the pillow. Why can't he just push and shove at the jealousy until it goes away?

He sighs and flops around, staring up at the ceiling. He considers the situation for what feels like forever, weighing his options back and forth and back and forth before finally making a decision. That's just what he'll have to do. He'll swallow all the those little nagging feelings of jealousy and smile and be happy for Kurt. If there's one person who deserves his happiness it's Kurt. Eventually he'll get over it, right?

It's late, much later than he thought it'd be, when Kurt gets back. Finn's been lying on the couch watching dumb reality shows for he doesn't know how many hours when he hears Kurt's key in the lock. He kind of bolts up, a little bit like an eager puppy, and looks expectantly at the door.

Kurt walks in, smiling and pink-cheeked. His hair isn't as perfectly styled as it was all those hours ago and that kind of makes Finn want to vomit just a little bit... But he's totally happy for Kurt. Happy that he's got someone.

”Hi, Finn,” Kurt says, plopping down on the couch next to Finn and pulling his feet up underneath him. ”Did you want me to go through those papers with you now?”

”Yeah. Sure. Yes,” Finn says, sounding just that little bit too eager as he scoots over to make room for Kurt. He reaches for the wad of papers on the floor next to his feet and hands them to Kurt.

Kurt leafs through them briefly, then turns his smile back on Finn. ”I'll help you find all of these books and all the other stuff too, Finn,” Kurt says, looking at the list of literature and supplies Finn's going to need. ”I know this great little book shop that carries probably all music theory and music history books ever made. I'll take you there tomorrow.”

”Thanks, man.”

Kurt gives Finn the wad of papers back and pats his shoulder before standing up. He yawns and stretches and a little sliver of skin appears in front of Finn's eyes when Kurt's shirt rides up. ”I'm beat,” he says and Finn has to drag his eyes up to meet Kurt's. ”Goodnight, Finn.”

”G'night,” Finn says, watching Kurt's back as he leaves the room. He throws himself back onto the couch. ”Oh god, this is going to be so hard,” he whispers through gritted teeth.

**

It's barely seven when Kurt wakes up and he knows that Finn won't be up for another half hour or so. You learn a lot about a person from living across the hall from each other and one thing he learned about Finn during senior year was that Finn always sleeps as late as he possibly can. Usually even a little bit later than that and forgoes breakfast. So when Kurt gets up he makes a little more coffee than usual, just like he's done for the last week or so, and he makes sure there's at least some fruit that Finn can grab.

He's a little reluctant to admit it but he's kind of relieved that the first couple of weeks of living with Finn has gone as smoothly as they have. He was afraid that it would be awkward. It has been a little awkward. Especially when Finn almost walked in on him and Adam. It probably was to be expected. They haven't really seen each other since that night and he guesses that Finn must still feel a little weird about it.

When Finn got into CUNY and they decided to live together – honestly, it was more like Burt decided for them – Kurt worried for a while that Finn had a latent gay freakout inside him just waiting to happen. Those thoughts kind of calmed down after a little while but they didn't go away all together.

Although now that he's lived with Finn for a few weeks he's certain that there will be no gay freakout. He doesn't know if Finn just really is totally cool with what happened between them or if he's just decided to pretend it never happen. He doesn't want to know, not when being just brothers and friends are actually working out for them.

He's standing with a cup of coffee in hand, looking out the small kitchen window watching the people rush by, when Finn stumbles into the kitchen. There's a loud smack and Finn whines and curses under his breath.

Kurt spins around and winces when he sees the large red mark already blossoming just above Finn's knee. ”Oh my god, what happened?” he asks, putting his cup down and walking over to Finn.

”The counter attacked me,” Finn wheezes through a forced lopsided smile.

”You have to watch were you walk, Finn,” Kurt fusses and crouches down, running his fingers over Finn's bruise. ”I think I have some ointment in the bathroom that might help.”

”No, no,” Finn says, kind of drawing away from Kurt's hands. ”I'm just clutzy, is all. My legs are too far away from my head so sometimes it's kind of hard to keep track of where they are. It's just a little bruise. I'll be fine.”

”Okay,” Kurt says, somewhat hesitantly and stands back up. He walks back to the window and picks up his cup. Maybe it is awkward between them after all.

But Finn smiles affably at him when he notices the half-full coffee pot. ”Dude, you rock.” He fills his own mug – the one with a giant blue sparkly ”F” - and swallows most of it in one big gulp. ”So,” he looks back up at Kurt, ”what are you up to today? You don't have class until this afternoon either, right?”

”That's right, not until my dance class at three,” Kurt says, nodding. ”Well, Adam doesn't have any auditions today so we thought we'd hang out and grab lunch. Maybe go to H&M and a couple vintage stores. What about you?”

Finn looks down into his mug for just a second before he answers. ”I'm going to meet up with Joel. You remember I told you about Joel from my music theory class? Well, we're going to get together and revise some notes before class. Maybe get some Starbucks or something.”

Kurt nods and smiles. He does remember Finn telling him about a guy, Joel he guesses, sitting next to him in music theory. Finn mentioned him being very friendly, almost as tall as Finn and from the Midwest as well but Kurt doesn't remember where from. Maybe Michigan.

”That's great, Finn,” he says. ”I'm glad you're making new friends.” He finishes his coffee and brushes past Finn with a wave. All of a sudden he feels like he really needs to get out of the apartment and over to Adam's.

He brushes his teeth quickly and throws on the clothes he picked out the night before and leaves at the same time as the sound of the shower starting fills the apartment.

When he knocks on Adam's door thirty minutes later he feels a little silly for basically fleeing the apartment just because Finn acted a little weird. Really no weirder than he usually acts. He just really wanted to see Adam, he guesses.

Adam's a little surprised at him showing up almost an hour earlier than they'd planned on but he definitely doesn't complain. He leans in and presses a kiss to Kurt's lips before taking him by the hand and dragging him into the apartment.

When Kurt gets home again after his dance class the apartment is empty. Finn must still be at class or out somewhere with Joel. He walks over to the fridge and pulls out a tub of double chocolate chip cookie dough and grabs a spoon from the top drawer.

The cookie dough clutched to his chest, he sinks down on the couch and flips on the television. He sighs and snuggles back against the cushions. He sticks the spoon into the cookie dough and digs out a big bite as he changes channel until he can find something suitably mind-numbing. He could easily disappear into his head right now but he doesn't feel like having that heavy conversation with himself just yet.

He does wish that he and Adam were clicking a little more firmly. But they're not. They've been sort of seeing each other for close to six months and he's just not getting there. Adam's one of the sweetest men he's met but the spark's just not there. He feels like he's been waiting for something between them to change, for something to happen, for a while now.

He scoops up another bit of cookie dough and sighs before popping it into his mouth. He knows he has to tell Adam. Not tonight though. He'll stay snuggled under the blanket with his cookie dough and bad reality television until Finn gets back from class and they can waste a few hours playing Madden NFL.

**

Finn's not sure but he's kind of been sensing that something hasn't been quite right with Kurt the last week or so. They haven't seen each other quite as much as they did the first couple weeks of living together since they both have classes now and Finn's made some friends over at CUNY. Although, honestly, he has pretty much tried to stay away when he thought there might be a chance for him to walk in on Kurt and Adam.

Kurt mentions Adam every now and then but still not often enough for Finn not to be able to pretend he's just a figment of his imagination. Sometimes Kurt makes it hard for him though. He comes home later than usual and his cheeks are pink and his hair mussed and it's a stab to Finn's gut each time it happens.

But when Finn thinks about it he doesn't think Kurt's mentioned him at all for over a week. And he hasn't come home flushed and mussed up either. On nights when Finn's been at home and not out with Joel or any of his other friends from CUNY, he and Kurt's mostly been hanging out playing video games or watching TV. When he thinks about it even harder it just seems like whenever Kurt's not in class or at work he's hanging around their apartment.

So with all those thoughts in mind the next time Finn runs into Kurt he asks him if he has time to hang out for a bit.

”Sure,” Kurt says, smiling at Finn and Finn has to smile back because he can't not smile when Kurt's smiling. It's physically impossible.

”You want a pop? I think I'm getting a pop,” Finn says, a little awkwardly. Kurt smiles but shakes his head no, so Finn grabs a Coke and follows him into the tiny living room. Kurt's already sitting curled up on the couch and if Finn didn't have amazing self control he'd melt into a puddle of Kurt Hummel induced goo.

He sits down on the other end of the couch and takes a sip of pop to buy himself some more time. A day ago this felt like a good idea. Like he's just being concerned and not like's he's snooping into Kurt's private life. Now he's not as sure.

“So,” Kurt says, “what did you wan to talk about?”

“Um. I just... I wanted to make sure that everything's okay with you,” Finn says.

“Oh. Why wouldn't it be?” Kurt asks.

“Um. Well. I was just wondering if something's happened lately,” Finn begins. “I mean the last couple of weeks you've been home a lot more so I just kind of wondered if maybe something was up between you and Adam. I'm sorry if I'm being super nosy.”

“Oh, no that's okay. You're just being my brother,” Kurt says with a sheepish smile. “You're right though, I have been home a lot more the last few weeks. Um. Adam and I broke up... Or well, I broke it off with Adam.”

“I'm sorry,” Finn says. “Uh. Why? You seemed to really like him.”

“I did. He was a very sweet guy... we just didn't click, I guess? I wasn't like it was a terrible break up though. I'm sure Adam saw it coming too. I actually think he was just too polite to actually say something.” Kurt laughs a little.

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like is there someone else that you might want to date?”

“Oh, I don't know,” Kurt says. “I think it's best if I stay single for a while now actually.” He gets a kind of far away expression in his eyes and Finn wonders briefly if he's forgotten that Finn's even there. “You know,” Kurt says after a little while longer, “I think maybe I wasn't in the best place to be in a new relationship yet. Maybe Adam was just a rebound for me after Blaine.”

Finn makes a noise that he hopes sounds like he's agreeing with or at least understanding what Kurt's saying. He doesn't know if Kurt's thinking it too but he doesn't want to be the one to say it. To mention that maybe it was Finn who was Kurt's rebound after Blaine. Even if it only happened once.

“Anyway,” Kurt says, sounding more upbeat again. “I think it's time for me to be single for a while.”

“Yeah -”

“What about you, though?”

“What about me?” Finn asks.

“Have you been seeing anyone lately? I know you've only been here two months but I'm sure there are lots of cute girls at CUNY that would love to date you.”

“Yeah, well... I,” Finn stumbles over the words, stopping and trying to collect himself. It's hard for him talking around what happened between him and Kurt. Like Kurt mentioning girls when he must know that the last person Finn had sex with definitely wasn't a girl. “I guess, like you said I've only been here two months and I've been busy with getting settled in and school and stuff. Maybe in a few more months.” He presses his lips up into a half grin. “Plus someone's got to be here when the psychofants at NYADA get too annoying and you need to play COD.”

“Sycophants. But, yes, that is true,” Kurt says, laughing. “Speaking of... Feel like getting your ass handed to you?”

“Sure, Kurt,” Finn says, patting Kurt's shoulder “you keep telling yourself that.”

**

Finn's not sure what to do or to think. Kurt is single again. At least that means that Finn doesn't have to worry about catching him with Adam and pretending to be totally fine with that. And Kurt said that he wanted to be single for a while so Finn's hopefully safe from finding him with someone else for a while too.

But that also means that Kurt will keep looking at Finn as just his “brother.” Maybe if Kurt was actually actively looking for someone to date he'd wake up one day and realize that Finn is standing right in front of him. Not literally standing in front of his bed while he sleeps because that would be creepy, but like metaphorically.

But if he's not looking how will he ever change his mind about Finn? He sighs into his pillow. He'll just continue on being Kurt's brother forever and ever.

There's a tap on the door and Kurt's voice sounds from the other side. “Finn? You awake?”

Finn shakes his head from side to side a few times in an attempt to feel a little more awake and a little less like the sound of Kurt's voice is making him woozy. “Uh. Yeah?”

“Oh, good!” Kurt says and Finn can hear that there's a little smile on his lips. “Since it's Saturday and I know that neither of us have to work today I thought we could do something.”

“What do you want to do?”

“I don't know. Go to Central Park or MOMA or maybe have brunch down at Battery Park or something.” He pauses for a second. “Can I come in? I'm getting tired of talking loudly.”

“Oh.” Finn looks down at his body. He's only in his boxers but he is almost entirely covered by a sheet. He still pulls it up a bit further toward his chin though. “Um, sure come on in.”

“Hi,” Kurt says happily as he enters and sits down on the edge of the bed. “So what do you feel like doing?” he asks.

“I don't know,” Finn says, watching Kurt's hands as he seemingly absentmindedly starts picking at Finn's sheets. “There's one thing I've been thinking about but it's kind of silly so I don't know...”

“C'mon, now you have to tell me!” Kurt says, laughing, and smacks Finn's foot.

“Okay. Well, I kind of want to go to the zoo. The one in Central Park.”

“The zoo?”

“I know. It's dumb. Forget it. We can do something else.” Finn starts sitting up but remembers that he's kind of naked under the sheet and lies back down again.

“No. No, I think that sounds like fun,” Kurt says, giving him a little smile. “That would be a lovely way to spend the day. The weather's still nice and it would be an excuse to eat overpriced popcorn and hotdogs.”

“You really want to go? It's a good idea? You're not just humoring me?” Finn asks, feeling awkward and silly for so blatantly seeking Kurt's approval.

“Yes!” Kurt says as he stands. “It'll be fun! We'll get a whole day just the two of us.”

“Yeah,” Finn says, feeling a little warmer than he did just a second ago. “It'll be fun.”

The sun's beaming down on them and it's a warm mid October day. The ride to the park was nice. Not too crowded yet since it's still fairly early. And with a happy Kurt who kept chattering about a musical they're doing at NYADA that Finn's never ever heard of. He thinks it might be French or maybe Norwegian. He will have to look it up.

A tiny little bit of Finn feels like he and Kurt are on a date when he leans down to the ticket window and pays for both of them. But he knows it's not one. They're there as two friends and brothers just having a fun day together.

“What are you looking forward to the most?” Kurt asks as he strolls casually through the gates.

“The snow leopards, I think,” Finn answers, falling into step next to Kurt. “They're so pretty and graceful and dangerous at the same time. Plus they're not really ordinary leopards, they're special.”

Kurt giggles. “You've really put some thought into this, haven't you?” he says.

Finn feels his cheeks flush red and he looks down at his shoes. “I like the zoo,” he mutters, not sure if it's loud enough to reach Kurt.

“So do I,” Kurt says, bumping his shoulder against Finn's upper arm. “I like the red pandas best though. But I don't have an as well thought out reason why I like them best as you do. I just think they're cute.”

“Good a reason as any,” Finn says, smiling at Kurt and turns when he spots the sign pointing them toward the pandas. “You're right,” he says as they stop outside the enclosure. “They are really cute.”

Kurt just smiles and nods before turning back to watch the animals. They stand next to each other for a little while. Not speaking, jut watching the pandas. It's nice. Finn doesn't feel like he has to fill the silence with mindless talking just for the sake of making noise. He can just stand next to Kurt and enjoy the sunshine and everything happening around them.

“Want to keep going?” Kurt asks after a while, Finn's not sure how long they've been standing there.

“Yeah,” Finn says, starting to move.

As they walk along the path, dodging parents with strollers and kids hopped up on sugar, Finn thinks about how nice it'd be if he could just grab Kurt's hand and walk with him like that. He kind of disappears for a little bit and it must show because Kurt's elbow brushes against his side and he asks; “What are you thinking so hard about?”

“Ah. Um. School?”

“On a Saturday?” Kurt says and laughs. “Finn Hudson, I am impressed.”

“Yeah, well I have a paper due next week,” Finn says slowly. Which is totally true, he does have a paper due on Wednesday but it is pretty much done so he's not really thinking about it. He stops when they reach the monkey cage, leaning forward and peering in at the monkeys.

Kurt leans next to him. “I'm glad you're enjoying CUNY as much as you seem to be,” he says. “And I'm so glad that you did end up going to school for music. You're so talented, Finn.”

Finn can feel himself blush. “Well, it's not like going to NYADA like you and Rachel, but I like it.”

“Don't do that,” Kurt scolds, poking Finn's bicep. “You're attending a great school and you are doing great. You're an excellent song writer, Finn.”

“You really think so?”

“I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. I lived with you for nearly two years. I've heard you sing songs that I know are your own. They're good, Finn.” Kurt takes him by the elbow and pulls on him for a few seconds before they start walking again.

“I didn't know that you knew that those were my songs,” Finn says.

“I kind of figured it out when you went through a phase where every song somehow featured the name Rachel.”

“Yeah,” Finn mumbles, feeling embarrassed about being seventeen and lovesick. Not that he's that much different now. Only now he's trying to find words that rhyme with Kurt. It's pretty convenient that Kurt rhymes with hurt. “I'm glad that phase of my life is over.”

“Me too,” Kurt says, raising one eyebrow. “Honestly, and I know it sounds mean, but I think we both should count ourselves as pretty lucky that we got away when we did.”

“Yeah, we did,” Finn agrees, then stops when he sees the sign for the snow leopards. “Oh, we're here!”

“Ooh! Great!” Kurt actually does a little skip when he turns to follow Finn and Finn has to fight the urge to laugh at him.

“I can see why you like them,” Kurt says after standing there just watching for a few minutes. “They're very regal. I like them too.”

“They kind of remind me of you, a little bit,” Finn says quietly.

“Me? Are you trying to say I'm furry?” Kurt asks, laughing.

“No, you're that word you just used. Regal. And really graceful and unique.”

“Oh. Well, thank you, Finn. That was very sweet of you to say.”

They stand in silence watching the animals lounge for another five minutes or so before Kurt asks if Finn wants to keep on to the polar bears. They watch them for a little bit and the continue to the penguins and the sea lions.

At that point Finn's stomach lets out a loud rumble, effectively breaking the moment and Kurt snorts loudly. “Oh, Finn. Hungry?”

“Yeah. Kind of.”

“Let's go get something to eat then,” Kurt says, glancing down at the map he picked up at the ticket counter, and starting toward the direction Finn assumes the food is.

Kurt doesn't walk. He kind of saunters like he owns the entire park as he makes his way down the path and Finn shuffles a couple steps behind him just so he can watch him. He's so happy with how confident Kurt seems after actually living by himself in New York. And confident Kurt is really hot so that's another reason to watch him.

“Are you coming?”

“Huh?” Finn looks up at Kurt who's stopped and is staring at him with one eyebrow raised. And Finn realizes that he was probably staring at Kurt's ass just a little bit and his cheeks burn. “Um, yeah, coming,” he says, as he jogs for a few steps until he's next to Kurt again. “Got lost in though... Sorry!” he says, trying to smile as convincingly as possible at Kurt.

Kurt gives him a confused look but doesn't say anything, just shakes his head and keeps walking towards the cafeteria and Finn kind of follows along like an oversized puppy.

“What are you getting?” Kurt asks as they approach the counter.

“Burger, probably,” Finn says.

“Yeah, me too.”

They get their food, each paying for their own burger, and find a table not completely overtaken by toddlers. Finn sits down heavily, he's kind of tired and Kurt's been a little awkward since the sort of ass staring incident a few minutes earlier.

Kurt sits down primly and picks up his burger. After he takes a bite his face scrunches up and he wrinkles his nose like displeased bunny. “Oh god, I payed fifteen dollars for that?” he says, looking down at his plate.

“What? It can't be that bad,” Finn says and bites down on his cheeseburger. He chews meticulously and swallows before he looks Kurt right in the eye. “I guess it could,” he deadpans and Kurt burst out laughing. He puts the burger back down on the plate and frowns. “They should like put up warning signs or something.”

“Beware of the burgers,” Kurt says and giggles some more.

Finn feels instantly lighter at the sound of Kurt's melodious laughter and he makes an over-the-top grimacy pout at the food hoping to hear a little more of it. “Meh. What do you say? Want to go someplace else?”

Kurt looks down at his fifteen dollar burger and sighs. “Sure.”

“Want to go get a hotdog and sit in the park?”

“Yeah.”

It's close to dinner time when they leave the park and Finn feels happy and satisfied and a little bit hungry again and oh so in love with Kurt. It's impossible for him not to. Just hanging out with him, sitting around the park and commenting on people's clothes and watching Kurt smile and listening to his voice and his laughter has him falling further and further.

They get the bus down to the Village and stop at their local Chinese place for dinner and Starbucks for coffee. Kurt takes a sip from his venti latte and watches as Finn gets their door open. “This was a really good day, Finn,” he says. “I had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah, so did I,” Finn agrees and smiles big at Kurt.

“Unfortunately I have a monologue I have to have down by Monday and you said you've got that paper due so I hope you don't mind if I take this,” he brandishes the bag of take out, “into my room and eat there.”

“Oh, no. No, you go ahead if you have to study,” Finn says, plucking his own kung pao chicken from the bag and sitting down on the couch. He watches Kurt disappear around the corner and listens as his door closes. Then he flips on the TV and digs into his food, realizing that he was even hungrier than he thought. Hanging around Kurt just distracts him from everything else. Today was probably one of the best days he's had in a while. Just him and Kurt.

He sighs and sinks further into the couch, balancing his food on his stomach, and changes channel until he finds an old Jets game and watches that as he slowly eats his food. Every now and then he can hear sounds coming from Kurt's room and it's really comforting knowing he's there. That along with the kind of boring football game and eating lots of food lulls him to sleep not long after he sat down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to offer my apologies for taking for-freaking-ever to complete this fic. Life got in the way, as it tends to do every now and then. Also, I very much tended to use reading and writing Kinn, Pinn and Fuckurt as my escape from what happened last summer. Now after I had give it up for a bit I was a little wary of getting into it again, so that's also why this took a lot longer than I had hoped.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it. Thank you so much for reading.

Finn has been thinking hard about it for weeks. Ever since the day he and Kurt spent at the zoo. Actually he's been thinking about it for months but it's only recently that he's really put actual words to his thoughts. They're not just hazy visions anymore. Now he's kind of making plans. Plans to tell Kurt. There's just the matter of plucking up the courage to actually do it.

He's been trying to figure out a way to bring it up for days. He can go for an entire day and feel really confident and just know that it's time for him to come clean – and come out – and then he chickens out the minute he sees Kurt.

He's sitting on the floor, back against the couch, and scribbling lyrics on a note pad when the door flies open and Kurt bounces in. He's literally bouncing.

“Hey, dude,” Finn says, waving his pen in Kurt's general direction. For a second he stops and considers whether this is The Day but quickly decides to give it just a little more time. Telling Kurt will change everything between them one way or another and he's not sure he's ready yet for the possibility of it changing for the worse.

“Hi!” Kurt says, standing next to Finn and bouncing on the balls of his feet, almost shimmying like he does when he's extra excited about something, until Finn looks up.

“What's up, Kurt?” he asks with a fond smirk.

“I have some news,” Kurt says, moving from foot to foot. “Could we maybe sit down?” He points to the couch and takes a seat while Finn gets up from the floor and sits down next to him.

“What kind of news?”

“Oh, the good kind,” Kurt assures him and Finn laughs a little.

“Yeah, I figured cause of the bouncing and the wiggling and stuff.”

“I do not wiggle,” Kurt huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, you kind of do. When you're excited you get all bouncy and then you wiggle and shimmy and stuff,” Finn teases. He swallows the “it's cute” that's right there on the tip of his tongue, wanting to come out. “Anyway, we're getting off track. You have exciting news.” He holds his breath for a second, waiting on Kurt, almost crossing his fingers.

“I...” Kurt starts, then takes a deep breath. “I started a band!”

“A band?” Finn knows he sounds surprised, but he did not see that one coming.

“I know,” Kurt says, shrugging, “it's not really something I've expressed an interest in doing before, but I really enjoy singing in a group and I've missed it at NYADA. Especially doing something other than show tunes.” He smiles at Finn. “I hope you don't mind that I did it without including you. I mean, I'm positive you would have made an excellent drummer... it's just that I wanted something that was completely mine, no ties to the glee club.”

“Oh. Yeah, I totally get that. A band? That's awesome, dude. When?”

“Thank you, Finn,” Kurt says. “Actually, we started almost a month ago. I didn't want to say anything until I knew it'd work out. But we're getting along great. You're actually the first person who knows about it now other than the other members. I haven't even called Mercedes yet.”

“Wow. I'm really flattered.” Finn ducks his head and looks at his hands for a couple seconds. “So, then who is in it with you?” 

“Well, we're kind of a trio,” Kurt says. “It's me and Dani, from the Spotlight Diner, you know? And then there's Dani's friend Elliot who's a senior at NYU. I talked a few of the music majors at NYADA into helping out with the music when we're performing.”

Finn doesn't like the lump that forms in his stomach at the way Kurt's cheeks get pinker when he mentions the Elliot guy. Kurt's obviously attracted to him or he wouldn't blush like that. Finn's mood kind of spins around and all he feels like doing is going to his room to sulk. But Kurt's still happy and bouncy and Finn can't bring him down.

“We actually booked our first gig today,” Kurt says, happily bouncing in his seat. “We're playing at Callbacks on Saturday. Nothing big. We get twenty minutes. So we'll probably do three or four songs.”

“Still, that's so cool, Kurt,” Finn says, and smiles big at Kurt. “What songs do you think you'll do?”

“So far we have “Into the groove”, “Marry the night” and we haven't fully decided on the last song yet”

“No Pantera?”

“No, Finn, no Pantera and no Styx either. We do want to do something that's a little more rock so I was thinking we might do something by The Darkness. You should like that, right?”

“Yeah. I mean it's fake eighties rock, but it's still rock. That's really cool, Kurt. I'm sure you'd sound awesome.”

“Only one way to find out. You'll come to Callbacks, right?”

“Of course,” Finn says, reaching out and ruffling Kurt's hair. It's brotherly and Kurt squaks and slaps at him but it's still enough to bring tingles to the tips of Finn's fingers. “I wouldn't miss it for the world!”

**

“Get into the groove. Boy you gotta prove your love for me.”

Kurt dances on stage. Singing and moving in time to the music, shimmying his hips. He shimmies a little harder each time he passes by Finn, who's sitting by himself at one of the tables closest to the stage, because he knows that Finn thinks it's funny.

He loves every moment of it. Elliott, Dani and he sound excellent together and he's glad they chose the set list they did. Starting off with Elliott singing Gaga went perfect and then Scissor Sisters and smoothly into the Madonna. The audience, however small, seem to be having a good time too. Finn seems to enjoy it very much, head bobbing along and fingers tapping against the table top.

He takes a small bow as the music comes to an end and goes back to stand in between Dani and Elliott. The guitar starts and launches them into “I believe in a thing called love”. Kurt rocks out. He struts and yes, he shamelessly flirts with Elliott as they sing the pretty sexy lyrics to each other. And if he's not completely mistaken he's pretty sure that Elliot is flirting right back just as much. It feels really good and he can't help but lap up the attention. Both from the audience and from Elliott.

A few minutes later when he's standing backstage, chugging water and dabbing the sweat of his forehead with a towel, Elliott walks up next to him.

“That was great, Kurt!” He grabs Kurt by the shoulder and pulls him into a hug. “You sounded absolutely amazing.”

“Thank you! You sounded pretty great yourself,” he says, feeling a little flustered at Elliott being so close.

Elliott lets him go and takes a step back, looking down at the ground for a second, then back at Kurt with a sparkle in his eyes. “So, um, Dani left to go meet up with her girlfriend but I was thinking that we could maybe get a drink and celebrate our first performance together as a band.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, smiling. “That would be lovely, actually. Should we maybe go someplace else?”

“Sure, I know a great bar on Christopher Street that we could go to.”

“Okay, sure,” Kurt says. “Let me just go grab my – oh, no. Crap – “

“What?” 

“I almost forgot about Finn. He's in the audience. He's probably waiting for me to come out.”

“He could come too,” Elliot says, but it's clear to Kurt that Elliot didn't think that there would be a stepbrother tagging along when he invited Kurt.

“Well, let's see if we can find him,” Kurt says.

It's easy finding Finn. He's still sitting by the table close to the stage, slowly sipping what Kurt suspects is just pop. He kind of leaps out of his seat when he spots Kurt and wraps his arms around him in a hug that's just a little too tight and a little too warm. “Dude! That was so awesome!” he gushes, almost lifting Kurt off the floor with the force of his hug.

“Thank you!” Kurt says, smiling at Finn as he disentangles himself from his long limbs. He glances over his shoulder at Elliot who's standing a few feet away looking at them with a smile playing on his lips. “Finn,” he says, “meet my band mate Elliot.”

Finn looks up from Kurt and there's an almost startled expression on his face. Like he wasn't expecting there to be anyone else there. “Oh. Hey, man,” Finn finally says, reaching for Elliot's hand. “You sounded really good. All of you.”

“Thanks,” Elliot says, squeezing Finn's hand. 

Kurt watches Finn as he and Elliott talk for a few moments. Finn has that same stand-offish posture and wrinkle between his brow, even though his lips are smiling, that he had whenever he was in the same room as Adam. Kurt can't quite explain it. He can't tell if Finn really didn't like Adam – and now Elliot it seems – or if it's his weird Finn-logical way of showing brotherly support.

“Elliot and I were going to get drinks at a bar in the Village and celebrate our first show,” Kurt tells him. “You could come along if you want to.” 

Finn shakes his head. “Nah, I'm good. I've got to study. Besides you should celebrate the success of your band with your band mate.” He grabs Kurt in another hug and squeezes him. “You sounded so good, man. You're amazing,” Finn says, lips close to Kurt's ear, and there's a little tingle that runs all the way along Kurt's spine and heats up the back of his head.

“Okay, if... if you're sure,” he says, that tingle making him stumble on some of the words. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow.” With that he turns to Elliot and smiles. “Okay, let's go!” He looks over his shoulder one more time. “Bye Finn,” he says and Finn gives him a little wave.

A few hours later he's standing outside his front door talking quietly with Elliot, feeling slightly buzzed from the two pineapple martinis he had at the bar and from their performance earlier.

“This has been one of the best nights in a very long time for me,” he says, leaning against the wall and looking up at Elliot through his eyelashes.

“I had a great time too,” Elliot says, as he takes one step closer to Kurt. “I really like spending time with you, Kurt.”

Kurt feels like this has been brewing all night. Or even for the last couple of weeks. Elliot is obviously very handsome, older, is incredibly nice and has buckets full of sex appeal. Plus he knows the value of a great performance, something Kurt has always deemed important in a partner. Blaine never understood the dynamics of it, he thought it was all about him. Adam, however talented, got almost a little boring after a while. Maybe Elliot could be a better match.

He tilts his head to the side and smiles at Elliot, running his tongue lazily along his bottom lip a few times. Elliot leans a little closer, his eyes on Kurt's lips, and then his hand runs up Kurt's arm to his shoulder which he gives a squeeze. Then his lips land on Kurt's, soft and searching.

Kurt breathes in and makes an approving sound into Elliot's mouth and drags his fingers through his hair, holding on and deepening the kiss. They kiss for a while, Kurt kind of loses track of time when Elliot slides his hands around his waist and slides his tongue into his mouth.

He's breathing heavily when they pull apart. “Oh god,” he whines almost, feeling himself straining at the front of his pants. He looks up at Elliott. “I... I really want to invite you in right now. I really, really want to invite you in –“

“But...”

“But I want to wait until we've at least been on a proper date... Plus, Finn's there and we haven't really set up any kind of code of conduct when it comes to situations like this.”

Elliot chuckles. “Well then, we will have to go on a proper date and you will have to have a discussion with Finn. Or we could go to my place after our date. I live by myself.”

“Yeah. Yes. That sounds good.”

“I should get going then. I'll call you about that date, okay?” Elliot says, leaning in for one more kiss. “Goodnight, Kurt.”

Kurt watches Elliot as he makes his way down the hallway and until he has turned around the corner and out of his sight. Then he carefully unlocks the door, steps out of his shoes and pads across the floor to his bedroom. He wiggles out of his pants, still feeling the aftershocks of Elliot's lips, and thuds down onto the bed. He sits still for a moment, listening for any sounds of Finn. He can't hear anything other than the slight hum of the lamp and he assumes that Finn must be sound asleep.

He tugs off his vest and unbuttons his shirt and slides them both off his shoulders and tosses them onto the desk chair. Pulling back the covers he climbs in and snuggles against the pillows. He flops around a few times until he thinks he's comfortable. Despite the fact that it's almost two in the morning and pitch black and he's in his bed under cool covers he can't turn off his brain. It's still spinning from all of the events of the night.

He's happy and he's excited. He's still a little drunk and he's so turned on. He wants to slip his hand into his briefs and take care of himself. He trails his fingers down his chest, across his stomach and follows the trail of downy hair beneath the waistband of his underwear.

As soon as he curls his fingers around his cock and squeezes he can't help the whimper that slips between his lips. It's a lot louder than he probably should allow himself to be but the sound of blood rushing in his ears muffles it. He groans and he knows that if Finn is awake he must have heard it. It doesn't take him long at all to climax and if some somewhat surprising images flash before his eyes when he's at the peak he decides not to think about it after as he drifts off into sleep.

** 

“Are you seeing Elliot again tonight?” Finn asks Kurt, shuffling over to the couch with his cup of coffee and sitting down next to him.

“Yes, I am,” Kurt says, nodding, and looking up from his iPad at Finn.

“That's like six dates in two weeks, man. You must really like him,” Finn says, trying not to grumble and to actually be excited for Kurt. Not just pretend to be. Kurt's been all moony and gooey over Elliot for weeks now. Maybe it's time for Finn to take the Universe's hint and start moving on.

“We do get along really well,” Kurt says. “And I'm having a really good time. And yes, I do like him a lot.”

“That's great,” Finn says, again really trying to not just sound genuine but actually feel genuine about it. He almost succeeds.

“What are you doing today?” Kurt asks, smiling at him.

“Hanging out with Joel,” Finn answers.

“You do that a lot, don't you?”

Finn thinks about it for a second or two. Between school and hanging out he probably sees Joel five or six days a week. “Yeah, I really like him. He's cool.” Finn does really like Joel and he's glad they ended up sitting next to each other the first day of Music Theory. It's been good to have someone to hang out with, someone who shares a lot of Finn's interests and who's also new to New York. He thinks that now he's especially glad to have found such a good friend, now that Kurt will be even busier with Elliot.

An hour later Finn's walking down Greenwich Street towards Mojo Coffee, where he intends on having their biggest breakfast burrito, his mind totally preoccupied with a bunch of stuff. Mainly stuff about Kurt. It's been filled with Kurt stuff since their talk earlier. He doesn't like to think about it, but he thinks that maybe it is time for him to give up on Kurt. He's been waiting for almost a year and nothing has changed between them. Granted he hasn't really actively tried to change anything but still. He was thinking about telling Kurt but then super perfect sexy Elliot came along. Now Kurt will never think of Finn like that.

He's almost there when he spots Joel standing outside the doors to the cafe. It's not as warm anymore, it's actually pretty cold, but the sun's shining and the way the light hits Joel's face kind of makes him light up. It's... pretty.

Finn stops in his tracks. That thought kind of came at him without him really meaning to think it. He can admit that he's known since the day he met him that Joel is a nice looking dude. He notices when some of the girls and a couple guys in class check him out. But there's a difference between knowing someone's good looking and thinking they look pretty in the morning sunlight.

He's still feeling blindsided when he walks up to Joel and accepts his bro hug. And then he inhales and realizes that Joel smells really kind of nice too. Probably some expensive after shave or something. And his brain picks up on how Joel's back muscles feel strong and warm under Finn's hand. 

Then his brain starts to hurt a little, but he smiles at Joel. “Hey, man. What's up?” he says.

“Not much,” Joel answers, returning Finn's smile as they both push through the door. “I started watching that documentary Prof. Greenburg wanted us to watch.”

Finn nods and starts toward the counter. “Yeah? Any good?”

“Really good, actually. I only watched the first part though since I thought you might want to watch the rest of it together.”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds good.” Finn hopes his face isn't doing anything weird or showing all the conflicting thoughts that are swirling inside his head. Why is he all of a sudden breathing a little harder just from looking at Joel. And from smelling him and touching him.

“Great!” Joel turns and looks up at the board with the breakfast specials, giving Finn a chance to look at him. He feels embarrassed and a little confused for doing it but he still lets his eyes travel down Joel's back, along the plain white t-shirt outlining his wide shoulders and down past the waistband of his jeans and his round ass. 

From hanging out with Joel and basically just discussing life he's understood as much that he knows Joel isn't really straight. He thinks Joel also knows enough to have figured out that Finn at least isn't straight either even though Finn hasn't told anyone anything yet. But every interaction between them so far has been friendly and nothing more. Just two bros hanging out. But now Finn's brain is acting all weird and he's checking out Joel's ass and smelling him and stuff.

Someone clears their throat and Finn turns, startled, to look into the face of the annoyed barista behind the counter. He mumbles a “sorry” and rattles off his order to the guy, still highly aware of Joel standing just a couple of feet from him. Then he waits for his latte, burrito and maple bacon cookie and follows Joel to a table by the big front window in silence. He sits down awkwardly, almost spilling his drink, because he's all preoccupied with thinking all these thoughts and noticing stuff he didn't notice before.

He probably did notice the whole 'Joel is kind of freaking hot' thing before though. He was just so hung up on Kurt that it didn't stick. Now that he's finally decided to start giving up on Kurt maybe he'll start seeing hot guys all over the place.

Joel raises one eyebrow and looks at him from across the table, reaching out to punch his shoulder. Finn twitches and whines. “Owww. What're you doing?”

“What is up with you today, man?” Joel asks, propping his elbows on the table and leaning closer. “You're acting weird. You've been quiet since we sat down. Did something happen?”

Finn scrunches his eyebrows together. He looks down at his half-eaten food and back up at Joel. Where did all that time and food go? “Sorry,” he says, cheeks burning. “I'm just thinking about stuff.”

“Anything you want to talk about?” Joel asks. “Or do you want to sit another ten minutes in complete silence?” He laughs and his blue eyes glitter so Finn doesn't feel super terrible. Just a little embarrassed still.

“Nah. Maybe later.,” he says. “Thanks, though.” He smiles at Joel and Joel smiles back and then they're just sitting there smiling at each other. Until Finn breaks their gaze and shoves a too big piece of burrito into his mouth. “Uh, so did you want to get together later and watch that documentary?”

“Sure!” Joel says, taking a bite of his cookie and Finn feels his eyes drop to Joel's lips. “You can just come by my place. Around seven good?”

“Yeah,” Finn says, nearly choking on his own cookie but managing to avoid it at the last second.“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Finn's standing outside Joel's apartment five minutes early with a bag of chips and a two-liter pop squeezed under his arm. He moves from foot to foot. He's feeling nervous. Then he feels silly for getting nervous and that just makes him feel even more nervous. 

He tries to pump himself up. If he had both hands free he'd probably do some awesome karate chops. But instead he swears at himself under his breath a couple times before he bangs on the door. A few seconds later it opens and Joel's smiling widely at him.

“Hey dude! Ooh, snacks!” Joel says and reaches out for the chips and pop. “You get comfortable on the couch.” He points to a beat up blue couch at the opposite side of the room. “I'll just get a bowl and a couple of glasses for this. The DVD is set up and ready to go.”

Finn flops onto the couch, throwing his arm over the back cushion, and watches Joel's back as he pulls out a bowl and two glasses. He carries it all over to Finn and puts it down on the table and Finn watches his arms and hands. Joel drops down on the couch, sitting so close to Finn he can feel his body heat.

“Let's get this show on the road then,” Joel says, pressing play and leaning back. The wavy hair at the nape of his neck grazes Finn's arm and tickles him. He's not sure if he'll even be able to concentrate on the documentary at this point. 

They're probably an hour or so into the film , Finn can't really keep track of time at the moment, when Joel presses pause and turns to look at Finn. “Okay, seriously dude, what's wrong? You were weird this morning and you seem like you're somewhere far away now.”

Finn squirms in his seat, looking between the frozen image on the television and Joel's confused face. His brain kind of does a 360 spin and without giving it explicit permission his body leans closer and then his mouth is on Joel's and his kissing him and it's warm and soft and delicious.

Finally his brain does catch up and he pulls back with a startled squeak and looks wide-eyed at Joel. “Oh god! Sorry. That's a bad habit of mine.”

“Kissing people?” Joel asks, he looks a bit stunned but he's smiling. 

“Doing stuff first and thinking later,” Finn replies with a sheepish grin. “Oh, and kicking chairs, that's also kind of a bad habit of mine I guess. But I haven't really kicked any in a long time –“

“Finn. Finn,” Joel says, silencing him with a hand on his arm. “You kissed me.”

“Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” Joel says, sliding close. “You know, you could do it again if you want.”

“Oh...” Finn breathes out a surprised noise and makes his confused puppy face. He tilts his head to the side and Joel must think that means to kiss him because he does and Finn makes another noise into his mouth and kisses back. 

At first he's still worried that Joel is going to pull back and ask him what the hell he's doing because honestly he's kind of wondering what the hell he's doing. But at the same time it feels really nice to kiss someone and Joel's apparently an excellent kisser so after a few moments of doubt Finn decides to just let go and enjoy himself.

He slides his hands up Joel's sides and his neck and into his hair and tugs on it as he deepens the kiss. Joel grabs him around the waist and he's strong because he manages to flip Finn onto his back and climb on top of him. Finn whines and pushes up against him. Joel chuckles and breaks their kiss, moving his lips to Finn's ear. “You're hot. This is hot,” he tells him. 

“Mmmhmm,” Finn agrees. 

“We should move this though.”

“Move it where?”

“The bedroom...”

“Oh.” Finn breathes out slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, we should.”

**

Kurt's only been up half an hour or so, he had the late shift at the diner the night before, and is drinking his banana flax seed smoothie and flipping through Vogue when keys jangle in the door. A few seconds later Finn appears looking rumpled and sleepy. If Kurt didn't know better he would assume that this was some sort of walk-of-shame for Finn.

“Where have you been?” he asks, raising a brow at Finn.

“Oh. Um. I fell asleep,” Finn says, without actually looking at Kurt. He shuffles like he always does when he's not being entirely honest. “On Joel's couch. I fell asleep there. Yeah. We were watching this documentary for class and I fell asleep.”

“Oookay,” Kurt says. “I guess if that's your story then that's your story.”

“It totally is!” Finn protests. He looks at Kurt with a pout. “It's the truth. I fell asleep!”

“Okay. Okay, I believe you!” Kurt says, holding up his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture and laughs. “I'm going to go study my lines, you should probably get some sleep. I mean since you slept on Joel's couch you must not have got that much sleep.” Finn kind of sputters a reply but it doesn't really consist of any actual words and Kurt giggles under his breath at the look on Finn's face. 

Then he brushes past him with a wave and slips into his bedroom. He picks up the copy of Follies off his desk and falls on top of his bed. He tries to focus on the lines he's supposed to be learning but he can't help but focus on Finn instead. Finn is the worst liar in the whole entire world, hopefully no one will ever trust him with any state secrets. It's obvious that he didn't actually fall asleep on Joel's couch. 

Kurt just can't figure out who he spent the night with. Finn hasn't mentioned that he has been seeing anyone and Kurt can't really picture Finn having a one-night stand with some random girl. 

Except, his brain supplies, Finn did have a one-night stand once. Only it wasn't with some random girl. It was with Kurt. Finn had random sex with Kurt. Hot, really really good, dirty awesome sex with Kurt. He feels his cheeks burn and his pants might get just a little bit tighter. 

He still can't think about that night without blushing. But he can't really help but keep wondering who Finn hooked up with. What is a little unsettling, however, is that he can't figure out if he's curious or if he's... jealous. He doesn't understand why he should be jealous of some random girl who slept with Finn.

Especially since he has his own highly satisfactory sex life. At least it will be once he and Elliott get to know each other even better. They've only been dating a little over a month. It's bound to get more exciting as they grow closer. Even though it never did with Blaine and only a little bit with Adam. But Elliott is such a sweetheart and oh so sexy, of course it'll get better.

He drops the book on the floor not bothering to continue on pretending to be reading it. He flops onto his stomach and buries his face in his pillow. Maybe if it's dark and silent around him he'll be able to get his mind off this issue that shouldn't be an issue in the first place. He shouldn't get so bothered by Finn's possibly not even existing sex life. He shouldn't. So, why does he?

His brain shifts from thinking about who Finn's mystery hook-up is to why he cares so much. He's happy for Finn if he's seeing someone and he's happy for him if it was just a bit of random fun. Maybe it's the curiosity that's getting to him, he does have a tendency to be a bit of a gossip, he blames Mercedes for that. Or maybe he's feeling a little bit hurt that Finn didn't tell him what actually happened. That must be it, he thinks. It's not that he's jealous or something else equally ridiculous. 

He can hear the bathroom door close and a couple of seconds later the shower turns on. Deciding that he's being silly thinking so much about something that really doesn't concern him, he reaches over the edge of the bed and retrieves his script. The sound of Finn showering buzzes in the background as he finally manages to focus on his lines.

When the shower turns off and he's reminded once again of Finn's presence he bites his lower lip and reads his lines out loud until he can't hear Finn moving around any longer.

**

Finn's sitting on the edge of Joel's bed, pulling his socks on and trying not to get too distracted by Joel who's still in bed behind him and still very much naked.

“Do you really have to leave?” Joel asks. “Wouldn't you rather stay and... do more of that?” He grins and runs a finger along Finn's spine. 

“Well, duh,” Finn laughs. “Of course I'd rather stay here and do a bunch of sexy stuff, but we both have papers that need to be finished by Monday and I know that I'm just half-way done with mine. You know, since most of my time over the last couple of weeks has been spent fucking.”

Joel also laughs and gives the back of Finn's neck a peck. “You're too good of a student,” he teases.

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn says, turning around and giving him a final kiss before standing up. He pulls on his hoodie and the blue puffy vest that Kurt hates. “Also I think Kurt's home right now and I wanted to get to see him for more than five minutes.”

“Aw, it's sweet that you miss your brother,” Joel says, waiting a beat and then adding; “Are you going to tell him about us?”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah. I'll probably do that... sometime soon.” He grins his most adorable smile at Joel who smiles back. Then he leaves with a promise to call later that night. He decides to walk home since it's not that far, just about a half hour walk, and it's not that late either. It's kind of dark out but Finn likes that, he thinks it's cozy. Kurt's kind of like a cat when it comes to stuff like that, though, he likes sunlight.

That makes him think more about Kurt and about Joel's question. Is he going to tell Kurt? Will Kurt understand? Will he understand without Finn having to actually tell him that yeah he was kind of hoping that eventually Kurt would see Finn in a different light but then he gave up on that and then he and Joel just kind of happened? He probably will have to at least mention that he and Joel are having lots of sex so Kurt understands that he's not joking or messing with him. Maybe not, though, when he thinks about it a little more. That would probably be really awkward. If he tells Kurt that he's seeing Joel Kurt will probably figure out for himself that there's sexy stuff involved.

Since he's thinking about how and what to tell Kurt he figures that he has decided that he will tell Kurt. And since they don't see each other that much anymore, since they're both dating people, he probably should tell him tonight when he has the chance. Before he can chicken out again.

He can hear “Rose's turn” playing from the TV as he gets close to their front door and he smiles to himself. That means Kurt will be in a good mood. Watching Gypsy always puts Kurt in a good mood. Finn thinks that he'd enjoy it a lot more if Rachel hadn't nagged him as much about Natalie Wood as she did. But he doesn't want to start thinking about that so he unlocks the door and walks in shouting a hello at Kurt. Then he toes off his shoes before plopping down on the couch and watching the end with Kurt in silence.

“Hello, Finn,” Kurt says as the credits roll, turning in his seat and leaning against the armrest so he can look at Finn. 

“Hey, dude,” Finn says, giving Kurt his 'I'm adorable and innocent' smile.

“What do you want?” Kurt asks, looking suspiciously at Finn with one eyebrow raised and a thin smile.

“Why would you think I want something?” Finn asks. “I just said 'hey dude'”.

“Sure, but you were doing that thing you do when you want something. You smile and you squint and it works wonders on any female within a five mile radius. I've seen you use it hundreds of times on Carole and Rachel and even a few times on my dad.”

“And it's worked every single time,” Finn says, forgetting that he's supposed to deny the existence of the adorable smile. “It gave us the Xbox 360, didn't it?” 

“It did,” Kurt says slowly. “And thus I repeat my question. What do you want?” 

He doesn't look angry, just curious, which is a pretty good start. “I just want to talk,” Finn says, running his hands over his knees. “I want to tell you something and I don't want you to be upset with me.”

“Come on, Finn,” Kurt says, “you know you can tell me anything.”

Finn breathes in and tries to keep his gaze steady and his pulse calm. “I've sort of been seeing someone for a while,” he tells Kurt.

Kurt chuckles and smiles and gives Finn's hand a quick squeeze. “I sort of figured that out already,” he says. “Is she in one of your classes?”

“Oh. Well,” Finn starts, searching for the right words as he realizes that he's basically about to come out to Kurt. That just makes it all that much bigger and makes him even more nervous. “It's Joel!” he blurts out when Kurt won't stop looking at him.

“Joel's what?”

“It's Joel. The person I've been seeing is Joel. I've been dating him and we've been having sex and yeah, so I guess I'm kind of bi. I'm bi.”

“Oh.” Kurt sits silently, staring at his hands for so long that Finn starts to worry that he might have broken him. 

“Kurt? Are you okay?” Finn gently nudges Kurt's shoulder. 

“Huh?”

“I'm dating a guy. Are you okay?”

“Oh! Yes... Yeah! Just... stunned, I guess. This isn't. I wasn't expecting this,” Kurt says smiling, but the smile is a little off.

“No, I know.” He hesitates for a second, trying to decide whether to bring it up or not. But Kurt must be thinking it too. “I know it seems sudden, but Kurt. This can't be totally surprising. You know what the two of us did that night when we did that thing that we don't talk about.”

“I know, but I thought that was just... Just that one time.”

“So did I,” Finn says, trying to explain all his jumbled up thoughts and emotions. “But then it wasn't just that time. There were more times with Joel and I just don't want you to be mad at me!”

“Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?” Kurt asks with genuine surprise.

“Because I knew but didn't tell you until now?” Finn asks, sounding pitiful even to his own ears.

Kurt breathes deeply. He looks at Finn with his incredibly blue eyes and smiles at him. “I'm not mad at you. I'm surprised. Really surprised actually, but not mad.” He leans in and warps one arm a little awkwardly around Finn's shoulders. “If you've found someone you're happy with, Finn, then I'm happy for you.”

Finn leans into Kurt's touch. “Thanks, dude,” he says, “that means a lot.”

“Of course. If you're happy. I'm happy.” He squeezes Finn's shoulder then wiggles away, putting a few inches between them. “Now, what do you feel like doing? Do you want to watch another movie or play video games?”

“Ummm. Movie,” Finn says. “I'm too tired to focus on anything else.”

Kurt makes a quick face that lasts for only a second before he's smiling again. “Movie it is!” He thinks for a second. “How about The Producers? You know you love it.”

“Sure, sounds great! Popcorn?”

“Of course. You go make it and I'll start the movie.” 

Finn's smiling to himself the entire time it takes to make the popcorn. He had the balls to finally tell Kurt something huge about himself and it didn't blow up in his face. He should have known Kurt would be happy for him. No one is as sweet and supportive as Kurt. He's still smiling when he grabs the bowl of popcorn and sits back down next to Kurt.

**

Despite being exhausted and knowing that he will have to get up before seven to get to a grueling stage combat class Kurt just can't seem to will his body to settle down and fall asleep. It's past midnight but still he's tossing and turning and picking up his iPhone to scroll through Facebook every five minutes.

Finn's not home and now that Kurt actually knows where he is and what he's doing when he's not at home or at school he has a hard time not thinking about it. Not in a creepy way. He's not imagining Finn and Joel having sex. Or at least not when he's conscious, there may have been one or two confusing dreams but he chooses to turn a blind eye to those. 

No, it's a churning feeling of curiosity. He wants to know more. What Finn told him was brief and, as much as it's possible with Finn, to the point. Finn got with Joel because he realized he likes him as more than a friend. Kurt wants the dirty details. He wants to know when Finn first started feeling that way about boys. Was it in high school? Or was it not until later, when he met Joel?

In the back of his mind a loop of 'don't forget he slept with you first' keeps playing. He needs to not think about that. Huffing under his breath he climbs out of bed and pads to the kitchenette, casting a quick glance at Finn's closed door, and pours a glass of water. It feels nice when the cool liquid slides down his throat and he feels a little bit better and a little bit more clear headed. It doesn't really distract him from his thoughts though.

He walks back to his room and flips on the light. It takes a second before his eyes get used to the light and he blinks a few times as he strips off his t-shirt. Then he gets down on the floor, doing push-ups slowly and methodically. He realized sometime around senior year that push-ups and crunches were a great way to clear his mind.

He keeps going until his arms are sore and he's out of breath. He considers having a quick shower but he's finally feeling like he might actually fall asleep and he's not sure he would be able to after a shower. So he slides back under his covers, he'll just change sheets in the morning, and closes his eyes.

**

The sound of voices gets louder and louder as Kurt and Elliot get closer to the apartment. When they're standing just outside the door Kurt can hear Finn laughing loudly. He knows that means that Finn is in there together with Joel. 

At least it's not grunting or moaning. Kurt's not sure he'd be able to walk in on something like that. It was awkward enough the few times when Finn stumbled in on Adam and he making out. Anything more than that and Kurt would probably run and hide in the bathroom.

He does make a little more noise than necessary when he opens the door and guides Elliot inside, holding his hand. “Hey!” he shouts.

A second later Finn's bedroom door opens and Finn's head appears. “Hey, dude.... Uh, I mean dudes.” He smiles his ridiculous smile and Kurt has a hard time not grinning along just as widely.

“Hi, Finn,” Kurt says, then raises his voice just a little and adds, “Hi, Joel!”

“Hey!” comes from somewhere behind Finn and Finn's cheeks get a pink tint.

“What are you two up to?” Kurt asks, hoping that Finn will spare him the truth if it's too explicit. 

“Uh. We were just going over some notes. Then we were going to go get some food at that place you like so much, uh Piccolo Angelo, and probably see a movie or something. You could come too, you know if you want to.” Finn's smiling at him but Kurt can't decide if Finn's just being nice or if he really does want a double date.

He looks up at Elliot, eyebrow raised in question. “What about it?” he asks, but he's not sure if he wants Elliot to say yes or no.

“Could be fun,” Elliott says, his fingers wrapping around Kurt's side as he speaks. 

“Yeah, I do love their salmon,” Kurt says. “It would be nice to go out instead of just ordering thai and bumming around the apartment.” He turns back to Finn. “What movie were you planning to go to?”

“Uh. We were thinking probably 12 Years a Slave or Bad Grampa. We haven't decided yet.”

“Okay, good, 12 Years a Slave it is then,” Kurt says with a smug smile in Finn's direction. Finn ought to know by now that he won't win any of these arguments. Not that it's an argument yet, but all through senior year whenever Finn and Kurt were debating what movie to watch together they would end up going with Kurt's choice. He's not sure, but Kurt suspects it's just that Finn's much too sweet to actually fight him on such a trivial thing.

“Fine,” Finn says, laughing and sticking his tongue out at Kurt. “Just give us ten minutes and we'll be ready to roll.”

Kurt's not sure when going on what essentially is a double date turned from what seemed like a pretty decent idea to not really being that good of an idea. Maybe it was right at the beginning when Finn said they were going to Kurt's favorite restaurant and he just didn't realize it.

Maybe it was at the restaurant, chatting away and having a really good time, realizing that Finn knew all of his favorites – favorite dish, favorite wine, sitting as far away from the restrooms as possible. 

Maybe it's just now, fifteen minutes into the movie that he can't even concentrate on because he's too busy thinking about how come it's feeling more and more like Finn's his date rather than Elliot. Then Elliot places his hand on Kurt's thigh and squeezes and Kurt comes back to himself and he remembers that Elliot is his date, not Finn. Elliot who doesn't remember those things about him. Granted they haven't been seeing each other that long but it still stings a bit.

He glances over at Elliot who smiles back at him and gives his thigh another squeeze before turning his attention back on the screen. Kurt doesn't turn back to the movie. He looks past Elliot at Finn, who's keeping his eyes on the screen, he has his arm slung casually over the back of Joel's seat. It looks amicable enough but not overtly demonstrative. 

He's not sure why he's analyzing Finn's body language but he knows it's not a good thing. He should probably just leave but it's not like that wouldn't be extremely suspicious and right now he doesn't want to draw any attention to himself at all. He just wants to finish watching the movie and then go back to Elliot's place and forget that he's spent the last hour thinking about Finn.

Later when the movie's over that's what he does. He tells Finn and Joel goodnight and leaves, walking hand in hand with Elliot. Then he falls into Elliot's bed, wraps his limbs around him and concentrates on all the things that make him feel good and turns his head and closes his eyes whenever Finn's face appears.

**

Finn knows something's wrong as soon as Joel starts talking, asking him to meet up a few hours later at their favorite cafe. He may be a little bit on the slow side, even though Kurt would argue that, but he does know people. Joel's one of the most carefree guys he knows and he sounded nothing like it a minute ago.

He keeps thinking about it as he finishes vacuuming the living room and as he puts away the stuff he's been leaving out that Kurt has threatened to dump out the window. And then as he goes over his notes from the week's classes he thinks about it until he has to admit that thinking about it isn't helping his ability to concentrate. Or, well, he's able to concentrate but he's concentrating on what Joel wants to talk about and not his homework.

It's a quick walk to get to their cafe but he leaves so early that he's there thirty minutes before they're supposed to meet. So he gets a latte and a cookie and takes a seat by the front window, watching the people hurrying past trying to avoid the rain. 

He spots Joel from a far by his bright blue rain coat and he smiles and waves him over when he enters the cafe a minute later.

“Hi,” he says, standing up and leaning in to give Joel a quick hug. “I got you a cappuccino,” he says, pointing at the cup in front of him, “here, sit down.”

Joel sits down and smiles at him before taking a careful sip of his drink. “Thanks,” he says and Finn would be completely clueless if he didn't notice the slight strain in his voice. “Uh. Do you want to go for a walk? We could get a couple of to-go mugs and take our drinks with us.”

“Sure,” Finn says. He's feeling a little confused but he gets up and walks over to the counter to get two paper cups that he brings back to their table. 

They walk along Charles Street, the damp weather making the sidewalk less crowded than usual. Finn takes an absentminded swig from his mug and looks over at Joel, waiting for him to say something. He's the one who wanted to talk. 

“So,” Joel starts as they turn and head north onto Hudson Street. “I really like you, Finn, I think you know that. We've only been dating for a little while but we were – we are – really good friends, I think. So, I'm going to be completely honest with you.”

“Go ahead,” Finn says, nodding to himself, thinking he might know what's coming.

“I don't think we should see each other anymore.”

“Why?” Finn asks, even though again he thinks he knows what will come next.

“Because I know you really like me and we have a great time together. But you're clearly in love with someone else.” Joel shrugs and bumps his shoulder against Finn's in a way that Finn understand is meant to come off as amiable and a little teasing. 

“But... I...” he starts, but he realizes within a second that any denial will be furtive and falls silent again.

“I guess I should have connected the dots earlier but we were having such a good time and I mean the sex was great so I kind of turned a blind eye.”

Finn blushes and Joel laughs, grabbing his shoulder and squeezing. 

“You should tell Kurt that you love him,” Joel says and when Finn's breath hitches he adds; “Yeah, I had my suspicions earlier but that double date we went on really confirmed it for me.”

“Do you think he knows?” 

Joel's forehead scrunches up and he looks up at the sky for a moment before answering. “I... don't know. Sorry.” He squeezes Finn's shoulder one more time. “I just don't know Kurt well enough to tell.”

Finn shrugs and gives him a half-smile, it probably looks pitiful but Joel's much too nice to openly pity anyone and doesn't mention it. “I just don't know what to do.”

“As I see it you have two choices,” Joel says matter-of-factly, “You either tell him or you don't.”

Finn lets out an exasperated puff of air at the way Joel makes it sound so easy but Joel holds up a hand before he can say something about it.

“I know that's the overly simplified version of a solution, but really Finn,” he says. “I'm not saying you have to tell him tonight, you can wait a year if you want to but at some point you'll just have to decide whether you want him to know or not. You're just never going to get around that decision.” 

They walk in silence for another minute or so, Finn thinking hard and Joel walking casually next to him. When they're almost at 8th Avenue where Joel will have to turn to get to his station he turns to Finn with a smile. “For what it's worth,” he says, “I think you should go for it, I mean that's the whole reason for this conversation. You should never miss out on an opportunity to be really happy.”

He stops and wraps his arms around Finn in a warm hug and gives him a quick, final, peck on the lips. “I will call you, we will hang out and we will keep on being friends and I'm positive that in a few years the fact that we've sucked each other off will be a funny story we tell at parties.” With that he leaves with a wave, and walks up 8th while Finn continues alone along Hudson. 

He walks slowly, still drinking his coffee, thinking again about how much he lucked out when he sat next to Joel three months ago. He has been a great friend, then a lovely first boyfriend even if it only lasted a month, and he's sure he'll continue on being one of Finn's closest friends.

Then he thinks about Kurt and despite the chilly temperature and the rain he feels all warm and snug. He knows he won't tell Kurt anything today, it'll probably be a while before he can muster the courage to actually tell him and risk facing another round of rejection. But for the first time in nearly a year he's seriously considering letting it all out there in the open. Kurt already knows a little bit, he knows Finn's not straight. Maybe knowing that Kurt will be able to piece together the puzzle before Finn dares to tell him. 

First though, Thanksgiving is only a few days away and nothing can turn a family gathering awkward faster than professing your love to your stepbrother a day before the holiday starts. It's kind of a funny thought but he doesn't dare laugh because he can only imagine what his mom or Burt might say or do if they found out some of the things he's been thinking about Kurt. There's a pretty good chance Burt would hit him. He'd probably apologize after, but yeah, he'd totally hit him.

He's not ready to confess anything to Kurt yet. There won't be any grand gestures when he get back to their apartment. But he can't pretend either. He will have to tell Kurt about what happened between him and Joel, he'll just leave out the main reason.

There's not much time for him to think any sort of speech through which is probably best because he'd probably mess up a speech if he tried to memorize one. He'll just go with the most-part of the truth – that Joel didn't see their relationship going anywhere but that they'll continue on being friends. That's true and it's not telling Kurt anything he's not ready to tell yet.

He walks up the two flights of stairs with determined steps. He closes the door behind him with just as much determination and then gives himself a quick shake to attempt to get rid of some of the raindrops on his shoulders and in his hair.

“Stop it!” comes Kurt's voice from the kitchenette. “You're getting droplets on my suede shoes. You're not a poodle, you know.”

Finn glares at him and shakes again pointedly. “Nope, I'm something much cooler, like a rottweiler or an Irish wolfhound or something.”

“What are you doing back already?” Kurt asks, coming to stand next to Finn, pushing his shoes out of harm's way. “I thought you were meeting up with Joel.”

“I did,” Finn says, almost grateful that Kurt's given him an easy way into the topic. 

“So, then what are you doing here?” Kurt asks, bending down and picking up his shoes as well as his messenger bag off the floor. He starts walking towards his room and Finn follows, feeling a little bit more like that poodle trudging after his master.

“We had a conversation.”

“Oh?” Kurt turns around with a questioning look in his eyes. “What about?”

Finn sighs and drops down on Kurt's bed. He's not feeling bad about what happened but it's not exactly like he's happy about it either.“We decided to go back to just being friends.”

Kurt frowns and sits down next to Finn, rubbing a hand between his shoulder blades. “Oh, Finn,” he says. “I'm sorry.”

“No, don't be,” Finn says, leaning a little into Kurt's touch, hoping he's at least somewhat stealthy about it. “It wasn't like a big horrible break up. We both just thought that we're better as friends than as boyfriends.”

“Well,” Kurt says, keeping his hand on Finn's back, “I'm still sorry. Breaking up sucks even if you decide to stay friends.” 

“Thanks, Kurt,” Finn says, giving him a smile as he pushes himself off the bed and leaves Kurt's room. He needs to be alone for a while. He needs to think about what his next move will be and when he'll make it. He thinks that maybe he needs some sort of sign. A sign to show him when to tell Kurt.

**

It's odd, Finn thinks. It's odd how he just a few weeks ago asked for some sort of sign and now he's got one that's practically lit up in some bright neon color and staring him in the face. 

Kurt broke up with Elliot. 

Finn's not sure exactly how it happened because Kurt hasn't told him that part yet... If he ever will at all. But he knows that after his own break-up with Joel a few weeks ago, he and Kurt went back to Lima for Thanksgiving and Kurt was acting weird and distracted the whole trip, and then once they got back to New York it only took a few days and then Kurt came home one day and sat down on the couch next to Finn and told him he and Elliot had broken up. And that's it. 

But that can't just be a coincidence, right? That must mean something. Kurt's not irrational or spontaneous about important decisions – that's totally Finn. 

And now he's been presented with an opportunity to finally actually make a move, almost a year after their night together. He's scared shitless but he has to do it. He has to be irrational and spontaneous and just leap.

He's waited a couple of weeks – actually he's waited a lot longer than that – and he just can't wait any longer. If he keeps waiting he might go insane before the year is over. If he waits until the week is over he might go crazy. He probably won't be able to wait until the day is over.

He looks at his phone, checking the time. Another three hours until Kurt's classes are over and then another half hour until he'll be back at the apartment. That should give Finn enough time to think of something to say and something to do to convince Kurt to take a chance on him.

He actually grabs a pen and a notebook and sits down at his desk, writing some thoughts down as they come to him. About an hour or so later he has what he thinks is a pretty decent speech. It's not too sappy but it's still mooshy enough for Kurt who really likes romantic stuff.

He reads it over and over and over. Then he takes a shower, scrubbing better than ever, and brushes his teeth and reads it through like forty more times. 

By the time he can hear Kurt's keys in the lock and his shoes against the tiled floor he's certain he knows exactly what to say. 

“Hey, Kurt?” he calls out.

“Yeah?” Kurt says, head popping round the corner, blue eyes sparkling at him.

“How was class?” Finn asks, deciding to start with something small and work his way up.

“Oh, pretty good,” Kurt says, sashaying into the room and dropping his bag next to the couch before having a seat. “We're having an Andrew Lloyd Webber week and you know how much I love “Memory”, well and basically everything else he's ever laid his magical hand upon.”

Finn smiles and nods, because yes, he's sure he could rattle off all of Kurt's favorites in his sleep. “That sounds like fun,” he says instead. 

“It is!” Kurt says, animatedly and Finn watches as his blue eyes grow wide with excitement and his cheeks turn pink and just like that the entire speech just sort of flies out of Finn's head. He feels a surge of panic rise inside him because now he doesn't know what to do. He had his speech that was going to keep him from messing up or doing something stupid. 

“Finn?” Kurt asks, looking at him like he's supposed to do something.

So he leans in and quickly brushes his lips against Kurt's. Then quickly pulls back. Oh. Yeah, that probably qualifies as something stupid.

“Finn?” Kurt asks again, one finger lingering on his bottom lip. 

“I'm sorry!” Finn scoots back until his back hits the armrest. “I had a speech and everything. I don't know, my brain just freezes and then I do stuff without thinking. I just keep kissing people!”

“People?”

“Well, you and then Joel and then you again.” Finn squirms, looking at Kurt with pleading eyes. “I can't help it. You make my brain short circuit whenever I see you. All I can think about is how much I want to grab you and hold you and kiss you. I just want you so much, Kurt. So much.”

“Finn,” Kurt says softly, gently placing his hands on Finn's cheeks. He leans in and Finn has enough time to do an entirely internal little happy dance before Kurt's lips grazes his. They're tentative at first despite the fact that Kurt must know by now that this is exactly what Finn wants. 

He makes a little pleased noise against Kurt's lips, hoping it will encourage him to go faster and harder and deeper. He puts his hands on Kurt's shoulders, letting a thumb slide along Kurt's neck in a way he hopes is teasing. Kurt kind of pushes up into Finn's touch, his hands on Finn's thighs and his mouth opening to let Finn's tongue swipe inside.

It could be seconds, minutes or hours before they break apart. Finn has lost all sense of time. The only thing in the entire world he can concentrate on is Kurt's mouth and Kurt's hands and Kurt's breath against his face.

“Oh my god,” he stutters, breathing in little puffs, and leans his head against Kurt's shoulder.

“Pretty much,” Kurt says, laughing awkwardly, but he lets his hands slip around Finn's waist and squeezes.

“So,” Finn says after a few minutes of just holding on to Kurt and breathing. He tries to find the right words. “Is this... I mean, are we...? I just really like you Kurt, and I really want us to try this... us dating. Can we try?”

“I think... I think we have to,” Kurt says, shaking his head and smiling. “We've been toeing around each other since high school. Well, at first I was the only one doing the toeing.” He laughs again, a little nervous. “I want to give it a chance, but we've been through so much. We're stepbrothers. I need us to go slow.”

“I can go slow. I promise,” Finn breaks in. “I can totally go at like turtle speed.”

Kurt smiles and leans in to place a soft kiss at Finn's lips. “We should go to bed – our own separate beds,” he amends quickly. He gets up, but Finn can tell that he's reluctant to leave. “I will see you tomorrow,” he says, kissing Finn one more time. “Goodnight, Finn.” 

**

He knows he's holding back. He wants it, he wants Finn. That's why he broke up with Elliot. Because Elliot wasn't Finn. That's probably why it didn't work out with Adam either even if he didn't realize it at the time. It would be so easy to slide back into the mind set of sixteen year old Kurt who had the biggest crush ever on that sweet, goofy quarterback. But then it definitely won't last. He's not sixteen anymore and while Finn's still one of the sweetest people in the entire world, he's not the quarterback anymore.

He can't help the smile that spreads when he can hear Finn's slightly awkward lumbering across the hallway floor. 

“Hi,” he says, looking up from his magazine and stretching closer to Finn, pressing up into his sweet little kiss. Their mouths lock together for a moment, but before it can get anywhere close to deep or dirty he pulls away. 

They haven't had sex yet. Well, they have but only that once over a year ago. Not since they started actually dating. 

Really, not that much has changed for them since their relationship status changed. They still talk about the same things. They still go out to dinner when they get a chance or bring home take out that they eat sitting on the living room floor. Although before they would sit opposite each other, now they sit cuddled together with Kurt's head leaning on Finn's shoulder.

It's sweet, the time he spends with Finn. And he absolutely adores spending time with Finn. He adores Finn. He loves Finn, but he hasn't told him yet. Maybe he's waiting for Finn to do it first however immature that sounds. He can also feel the passion thrumming underneath every exchange between them. But still he's holding back. Scared probably of what will happen now that he has got what he wanted for so long.

“What are you reading?” Finn asks, as he lands on the couch and burrows into him.

Kurt leans against him and flips his Vogue over to show Finn the cover. Finn smiles and shrugs, like he should have known what Kurt was reading. Finn's arm slides behind his shoulders and his fingers play idly with the hair at the nape of Kurt's neck.

After a couple of minutes, when Kurt has finished reading the article he was in the middle of when Finn showed up, he puts the magazine away and turns to Finn. “Are you going to do that all night?” he asks, rubbing against Finn's fingers.

“Yup, pretty much,” Finn answers, smiling as he cups the back of Kurt's head and leans in to kiss him. 

When they break apart Kurt smiles slyly at Finn. “You don't hear me complaining,” he says.

“That's 'cus your tongue was down my throat,” Finn says, sounding much too proud of himself. Kurt can feel his gut constrict. He's not too proud to admit that 'cocky Finn' just does it for him. Finn can be so hard on himself so Kurt can't get enough of Finn showing confidence even if he's sometimes just pretending to be that sure of himself. 

The electric current that runs through him goes all the way from his head to the tips of his toes. He wants to pull Finn up by his shirt collar, drag him to bed, and have his wicked, wicked way with him. If he was the kind of guy who only ever made decisions using his dick that's probably exactly what he would do. But he's not. He uses his head and his heart and his lungs and his gut and they are all telling him that he needs to slow it down.

As much as he thinks it would be so easy for him to slide back into sixteen year old Kurt who just adores Finn, he worries how easy it would be for them to slide back into their high school pattern. Kurt would push and prod and eventually Finn would lash out and they would both end up hurt.

So he pulls back and takes his hands from where they're fisting in Finn's shirt. Disappointment is obvious in Finn's features but he doesn't say anything, just strokes Kurt's shoulders before scooting back on the couch.

“I have to study,” Kurt lies. 

“Sure,” Finn says and he smiles sweetly at Kurt despite the fact that he must know that Kurt isn't being truthful. “I should probably do some of that too.”

Kurt kicks himself. He wants to reach out and take Finn's hand and tell him to stay. But instead he watches as Finn gets off the couch and walks into his room, closing the door behind him.

**

When Finn first started seriously consider being in a relationship with Kurt – when he acknowledged that his feelings were more than those of a slightly overprotective stepbrother – he considered all possible outcomes. He sat down and he tried to think of all scenarios that could happen after he told Kurt about his feelings and they possibly started dating. Everything from Kurt laughing in his face to them immediately living happily ever after.

Kurt holding back or becoming distant was one of the scenarios that popped into his head the most. No matter how you look at it he and Kurt have a rocky past. He can't blame Kurt for being wary and maybe worrying that Finn will eventually become his sixteen year old self. The Finn who was too afraid of what everyone else thought of him to completely commit to even being friends with Kurt.

Finn knows in his heart that he would never do that. He loves Kurt too much to ever become that person again. Now he just needs to prove that to Kurt. Kurt needs to know how much Finn loves him. He knows what he has to do. He needs the ultimate red shower curtain.

He thinks about it for a long time, almost two months, as his relationship with Kurt stays stagnant. It never becomes bad, they don't fight, and there's always this crackling energy between them. But it doesn't becoming anything more. 

Two weeks before Kurt and he are supposed to go back to Lima for the wedding between Mr Schue and Ms Pillsbury, Finn swallows down all fear and hesitation he's feeling and he calls Burt. 

He sits in his bedroom, Kurt's still in class, feeling his heart hammer against his chest. Burt barely gets in a “Hey, kiddo” before everything just kind of tumbles out of Finn's mouth. He manages not to tell Burt about the one night stand but he tells him everything else. How he realized that he's bisexual and about how he dated Joel for a little while and finally about how he's in love with Kurt. 

It's the single most uncomfortable conversation that Finn has ever had in his entire life. He can tell that Burt is trying really hard not to let his bafflement show in his voice and for that he's extremely grateful. He's also happy and pretty relieved that Burt never once expresses any kind of urge to rearrange Finn's face for daring to go near his son. Instead Burt seems pleased, like he might actually think that Finn is good enough for Kurt. 

After talking to Burt for about an hour and making plans, Finn feels like he's run three marathons in a row, completely wrung out, but at least he has set the ball rolling.

**

Finn is sure that the wedding was great. He's just too distracted to really notice anything. He did notice Ms Pillsbury – Mrs Schuester – looking very nice and clean and he did notice both Rachel and Mercedes singing in the church, which he always enjoys. He's also aware that Coach Beiste revealed to him that she had talked Mr Schue out of asking him to be his best man which... Thank god, because that would have been totally awkward.

But he's distracted and he's preoccupied and he can't seem to think about anything other Kurt who has been by his side the whole day. Now they're sitting next to each other in the back of a cab, driving through Lima in the dark toward the hotel room that Finn got them. As they get closer he feels nerves prickling the back of his neck and sweat beading at his temples as he wonders briefly if Burt had enough time to get everything set up. 

They pick up their key card and walk along the corridor to their room hand in hand. Kurt sighs and yawns and Finn thinks he looks a little bit like a sleepy kitten and oh god he hopes he doesn't screw this up.

He unlocks the door and pushes it open, letting Kurt enter first. Then he waits. Kurt doesn't say anything. For a second Finn's nerves almost make him fall over and he hurries into the room, following Kurt.

Kurt's standing just a few steps inside. His eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open. He's turning in place, taking in the entire room. All four walls are draped in fabrics in muted colors, the bed is covered in soft throw pillows and in a corner there's an ornate lamp and a wooden screen. “You gave our hotel room a Marlene Dietrich make over,” he says after several silent minutes. 

“Yeah,” Finn says, standing next to Kurt but not daring to take his hand just yet. “Well, Burt did the making over but it was my idea.”

“My dad?” Kurt still looks stunned, he's picked up one of the pillows and is turning it over and over in his hands.

“Yeah. I kind of called him a few weeks ago and asked if he'd kept the stuff from when you decorated our room. He had and so I asked him to do this. Oh, and I came out to him and I told him I'm in love with you.”

“What?” Kurt finally turns to look at Finn, his eyes wide with surprise.

Finn blanks for a second. That last thing just kind of slipped out. “I... I told your dad that I'm in love with you. I probably should have told you that before I told him, but it's true. I'm desperately in love with you, Kurt. I love you so much, and I promise that I'm not that sixteen year old boy who freaked out because of a room.” 

He takes a breath and moves closer to Kurt, into his space, and wraps his fingers around his biceps. “Please, Kurt, don't hold back.”

Kurt's eyes are a little glassy as he looks at Finn. “Yeah,” he says, laughing quietly. “You probably should have told me before you told my dad. But now I know.” He steps closer, his hands on Finn's hips. “It's a good thing I love you too.” 

“You do?” There's a note of wonder in Finn's voice because honestly he hadn't allowed himself to truly believe it.

“Of course I do, you big lug!” Kurt says, wrapping his arms around Finn's neck and pulling him as close as he can possibly get. “So much.”

“I love you.” Finn moves his hands from Kurt's arms to his waist and starts walking them toward the bed until the back of Kurt's knees collide with the mattress. “I love you so much.” He bends down and captures Kurt's lips in a quick, sweet kiss. “And I will never ever stop.”

“Me neither,” Kurt breathes into his mouth, falling backward and pulling Finn on top of him. “Never ever.”

**

“I knew I was waiting for something.”

“Huh?” Finn opens his eyes and gazes blearily down at Kurt, lying snuggled in his arms with his head resting on Finn's chest.

“Even since before I broke up with Blaine, since before I moved to New York, I knew I was waiting for something. I could feel it. I just didn't know what I was waiting for.”

“Do you know now?” Finn asks, tightening his grip on Kurt's waist.

“Yeah, now I know,” Kurt says, smiling sleepily. “I was waiting for you.”

****


End file.
